Shaunna Faye

Clomid, BP

2012-01-19T07:36:00.001-08:00

As I mentioned in a previous post, I'm trying to get knocked up again. We thought we'd try it a while without the help of drugs in hopes that something changed after I was pregnant with Martha. I've heard that can happen.

Well, nothing has changed.

So, I went to the doctor today to see about getting back on Clomid. One awkward "lady doctor" appointment later, I'm set to get an ultrasound on Monday (gotta make sure I don't have any cysts) and as long as everything is cool (it will be) then they'll give me the prescription that I can start taking that day.

My first Clomid baby turned out pretty awesome, so I'm ok with doing it this way again. Plus, I was successful in only the second month when I was on Clomid before. I don't want to waste any time so I'm shooting for month #1 this time!

The doctor said my blood pressure was wacky again. I had high BP problems all throughout my pregnancy with Martha. She said I may just be one of those people where it fluctuates all the time, but they'll probably put me on meds earlier in my pregnancy this time to avoid any preeclampsia issues if it continues to stay high, which I'm guessing it will.

Just for my own records I'll note that it was 140/80 today. She'd like for it to stay below 140/90. So there.

Word.

Mornings

2012-01-12T08:42:00.000-08:00

I was telling Chris today that I was envious that he never had to deal with Martha in the morning. On the weekends, it's awesome. But when I have to get her up, convince her to go to the car, convince her to let me buckle her up, and do these things before 6:15 AM, I usually don't have the easiest time.

Don't let this face fool you.

She's no angel.

The only way I got her to walk through the door this morning without her blanket was to threaten to carry her. She loves to walk, so threatening to carry her will usually piss her off enough to comply with what you're asking. She walks to the car but then the second I sit her in the car seat she screams and squirms out. I then, like most mornings, do any combination of things to get her to sit still long enough for me to buckle her in. It could be one or all of these:

1 - Asking if she's excited to go see Nana, Pop, Cohen, Daniel, (possibly) Kimmy, and Harley today.
2 - Asking her if she's going to play with Cohen today.
3 - Telling her if she's nice I'll let her walk in to Nana's house.
4 - Distracting her with whatever I can find in the seat next to her. Water bottle, book, umbrella, random toy, etc.
5 - Talk about how it's raining and/or wet outside. (Sometimes it's not, but she likes talking about it.)

So, I strap her in the car seat, but she smacks me in the face a few times in the process. In addition, she throws her milk cup and it rolls halfway down the driveway. I tell her that wasn't nice and that her milk is gone now. This makes her more pissed. She starts yelling "Milk! Milk! Milk!"

I calmly tell her that if she's nice I'll get her milk. She says "Ok."

I get the milk and hand it to her. She pushes it away and screams "No!" I told her that I would hold it.

Get in the car. She yells for her milk about 4 or 5 times during the ride over to my parents house. I try handing her the cup and every time she pushes it away and screams "No!"

As soon as we get to my parent's house, everything is fine. No yelling, no pushing the cup away, she walks in the house totally fine.

Godddddddddddddddddddddddddddd.

Work

2011-12-21T05:00:00.001-08:00

Sometimes it just feels good to be at work. Mostly after a very long weekend with a toddler that wouldn't nap and had to be distracted by two people just to have her diaper changed. And especially after a morning where this toddler had to be held down, while I was being kicked, to put pants on so we could leave the house. When not even a pop on the butt made a difference in her attitude.

Around Christmas when schedules are so messed up, it's a little rough for an almost 2 year old. Kids need schedules. And we're still trying to get back on ours, except it'll all get messed up again next week when she stays home with us every day but Wednesday. A week of not going to Nana's house really messes a girl up when it's 6:30 AM again and we need to get in the car.

Is it January yet?

I sure do hope that these things get easier with age. And here we are trying to get pregnant again.

We must be insane.

I love/hate the holidays, but mostly love.

2011-12-02T05:08:00.000-08:00

Holiday stress is upon me in full force. Why is it that days seem to be cut in half when you have the most you need to get gone? There just aren't enough hours in the day in November and December.

We've taken on a few projects in the house over the past few weeks. We bought a new tv for our bedroom. Hellooooooo HD. The tv that was in there was my high school graduation gift from my parents. So, almost 11 years old. Awesome for 11 years ago. Perfect for what I needed at the time. Many moons later, not ideal.

The new tv (LG, LCD, 37 inch) will be arriving next week. We'll then move the old tv into what used to be the "guest" room, which only ever housed maybe 3 "guests" in the past 3 years. It is now Martha's play room. We're getting all the toys out of our living room (praise Jesus!) and setting up the old TV and a Roku (look it up) in there for her to watch as muuuuuuuuuch Dora as she wants. Did I mention she can say like 5-10 spanish words? Love Dora.

Anyway, along with the room-changing project, there's holiday parties and events, getting Christmas presents bought or made, then the trip to TN, among other things. Busy, busy.

I love this time of year, but man does it stress me out. I'm really going to try to knock out as much stuff as I can this weekend so I can enjoy the rest of the month with as little anxiety as possible.

Halloweenie

2011-11-01T05:20:00.001-07:00

Martha still doesn't quite get what Halloween is, but she started to catch on when we were walking around and people kept putting candy in her bag. She also got super excited to see the HUGE stuffed Mickey and Minnie Mouse at one of the stations at the Trunk or Treat thing we went to at Brookwood Baptist. That kid loves Mickey and Minnie Mouse.

Of course, we won't be giving her much candy...if any at all. I imagine she'll get some at Nana's house because that's what Nana's do, so I think Chris and I will eat most of hers. It's a parental right!

Here's the most adorable Indian you'll ever see in your whole life.

Please note and give me mad props on the awesome costume that I made. Literally sewed it, did a fitting on a squirmy 18 month old, altered, sewed on the ribbon, hand sewed the beads on, and completely made the headband from scratch. And you can't see it too well in the pictures, but there are feathers on the headband too. Lets just say...for the casual sewer...I'm pretty proud of myself.

Boys

2011-10-17T05:27:00.000-07:00

I once had a boyfriend try SO hard to get me to work out because he thought I was gaining weight. I was a size 8. I guess I didn't measure up to the porn stars he was looking at every single day on the computer while I was just one room over in the house he was living at with me - for free. He broke up with me after 2 years of being together because he wanted to date other girls.

I once had a boyfriend get high and make out with another girl. He told me about it even though we weren't technically "exclusive" because he knew honesty was so important to me. I accepted it as a mistake and got past it. Things didn't last long with us and we both moved on. Him, to rehab. I guess I didn't know how big the problem was.

I once had a boyfriend try to convince me that I didn't need my family anymore. That I should stop talking to them completely. Later I realized it was because they were telling me the truth about him and he didn't want me to know it. He also ruined my high school graduation day by getting incredibly mad at me because the shirt he wanted to put on at my house wasn't clean when he got there. Apparently that was a big deal.

I once had a boyfriend that I saw every single day that would never say he was my "boyfriend" because he was still so completely hung up on his ex-girlfriend. He ended up taking her virginity a few months after he broke up with me.

I once had a boyfriend that made me feel like everything was a test. Like I was constantly being looked at to live up to something that I could never. We only dated 2 months. It took me a year to get over him.

I once had a boyfriend that bought a new shirt to wear for the first time he was going to meet me. He took me to a Braves game for our first date. He always wanted to be with me and wasn't afraid to meet my family. That after a late night out, left some Tab energy drink (my favorite drink), some snacks, and a mix CD on my doorstep along with this note to help me through work the next day on just a few hours of sleep.

Bullet Points

2011-10-13T04:41:00.000-07:00

- I almost won $1000 on the radio this morning. I was calling from my cell phone in the car. The screener picked up and said "Are you calling for The Bert Show's Easy Money?" And I said "Yes!" but because I was on speaker phone, my voice was delayed. He said "hello?" and I said "Yes! Hi!" and then he hung up. This was followed by lots of me screaming "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!" at the phone.

- Chris was playing a video game the other day and said a curse word. Martha, without skipping a beat, repeated the curse word. Chris and I laughed so hard we were crying, and then realized that we should probably start watching what we say around her. It's at least a little funny when an 18 month old says the F word though.

- My mom taught Martha mine and Chris's names last week. So when Chris was on the phone with me the other day and said "Oh, Shaunna" Martha said it too. I made her say "Mommy" before I got off the phone just to make sure I wasn't going to be called "Shaunna" now.

-Martha has started to hate it when we watch TV when she's hanging out/playing in the living room. I was trying to squeeze in a 30 minute show while she was running around doing what she always does and she kept getting right up in my face and talking. Then Chris noticed that if we paused it and then started playing it, she would start whining every time. We tested the theory over and over. She whined every single time we turned it back on. Ha ha. So, it looks like most of the non-children's TV time will be spent after she goes to bed. Freaking kids needing attention and crap.

Troy Davis

2011-09-22T05:23:00.000-07:00

There has been a lot of talk about Troy Davis. I will admit...I didn't know anything about this case until a few days ago. And still, I haven't read too much about it. I've seen all the protests and tweets and status updates. I heard on the radio this morning a quick 60 second story about what happened in his case and appeals.

I wasn't involved in the trial, so I can't say whether or not this man was guilty of killing Mark MacPhail. None of us really can.

Guilty or not, he didn't deserve to be put to death. I don't believe in "eye for an eye."

Some of his last words on this earth were proclaiming his innocence. Maybe he was lying. Maybe he wasn't. Either way, he should be alive today.

It's sad that we think we are responsible for deciding if someone should live or die, whether it be from a murder by gun or a murder by lethal injection.

Mark MacPhail's widow said after the execution, "I will grieve for the Davis family because now they're going to understand our pain and our hurt."

It's not ok that another family has to endure that pain and hurt.

Savannah, again

2011-09-16T07:06:00.000-07:00

Chris and I scored a free place to stay in Savannah again thanks to his friend, Josh. We wanted to go one more time before the weather gets too cool for the beach. This time we'll be without Martha or anyone else. (Last time there were 7 other people, Martha, and a dog split between 2 apartments. Try coordinating THAT.)

We've already talked about what we want to do:
-Sit on the beach under umbrellas for hours and hours. Reading, napping, whatever.
-No rushing to get anywhere.
-Eating meals at any time that we want...even having dinner past 6:00. Gasp!
-Walking around to the shops and under the trees. (Last time we didn't have time to do this.)

We're going next weekend. Only extending the trip by a 1/2 day. Martha will be staying with my parents. This is in between the two weekends that my parents will be out of town. Busy busy.

I'm excited for this holiday season. I'm really looking forward to going to Tennessee again too. I wish I could go visit more. It will be a lot of fun with Martha this year. Last year she was just crawling around not doing a whole lot.

We taught her "ice ice baby" yesterday. Those are two of her favorite words so we figured we could string them together. Ha ha. Maybe I'll be able to teach her some of a Christmas song before that time rolls around.

Family Vacation, Savannah, 2011

2011-09-06T07:30:00.000-07:00

We took our first family vacation this weekend. (Besides the few trips to TN that we've done to see family.)

I got some video of Martha seeing the ocean for the first time. She took to it right away. She loved digging in the sand and playing in the waves with one of us holding her. We figured out that 2 hours is about her limit. She gets testy at that point. I taught her how to make a sand castle and then knock it down. She was a pro at the last part.

I think Savannah is going to be our go-to spot for beach vacations. We're very familiar with the place and Chris said he'd move there in a heartbeat if we could.

We're planning on going one more time before it gets too cold, just me and Chris this time, for a more relaxing trip.

I'm so glad that Martha loved the beach and that we could make memories this weekend.

Savannah

2011-08-30T06:19:00.000-07:00

I love Savannah. LOVE it. I got engaged there. It's a beautiful town. The beach is so close by at Tybee Island. There are wonderful places to eat and drink. Just walking around under those oak trees is so awesome.

This is a picture I took on our trip back in 2008.

Gorgeous.

We're planning on taking a few trips there in the near future. One is coming up this weekend. It's a short one because Martha will be with us. (Vacations are hard with a 16 month old.) We're going Saturday-Sunday. A quick trip, but we'll have both full days. This will be the first time Martha sees the ocean and the beach. I'm sure she'll eat some sand, but I can't wait to see what she does when the waves wash up onto her feet. She loves the water. Bath time and playing in the pool are two of her most favorite things to do. So, it'll be good.

One of Chris's friends has an apartment there for the next year because he's there for a work project. He'll be back up here once or twice a month to visit his wife, so we have a free place to stay any time that he's not there working. Woo hoo!

I'm not sure if we're staying in a hotel this weekend or his apartment. We haven't checked with him yet, but I'm ok with staying in a hotel this time. We can Priceline a good deal.

The next trip we take will be baby-less so we can stay out later and be a little more free with what we do and where we go.

I'm so pumped about this weekend though. It'll be our first family vacation with just the 3 of us!

Yuck

2011-08-15T05:07:00.001-07:00

Ok, scratch that juicing thing. The first taste I had tasted like grass. Pure lawn. I couldn't get the taste and smell to go away all of Saturday night and well into Sunday morning. I even tried making my own juice that was less grassy and more sweet, but then it was too sweet and made my stomach hurt. I played around with the recipes and absolutely could not find a tolerable tasting juice that I could drink more than 2 or 3 sips of. HORRIBLE.

So, it was a nice thought and good effort, but the juicing thing just isn't happening. We've got a ton of kale and spinach now though, so we'll be eating a lot of salads. I'm going to make a kale soup too. One that Cyndi made once when all 6 of us were living at my parents house. It was delicious.

Oh, and I'll probably make some roasted carrots...or this "carrot fries" recipe that I found too. We have 2 whole bags of carrots left. All these fruits and veggies won't go to waste. We'll just eat them instead of drink them. And I'm ok with that.

I lost 3 pounds from the stomach bug from hell a little over a week ago, and then somehow lost 2 more pounds since then and managed to not gain it all back yet. So that's a start.

Juicing

2011-08-10T08:48:00.000-07:00

Let me start off by saying that I've never done a "cleanse" or "fast." And all I've ever known of fasting was for religious reasons.

Doing a lot of research after watching the documentary Fat, Sick, and Nearly Dead, I learned of several reasons for doing a fast/cleanse.

So, Chris and I are doing a 7 day juice cleanse. This means only drinking fresh vegetable and fruit juice for 7 days (and water, of course). We're starting on Sunday the 14th. We've both said that our goal is 7 days, but continuing beyond that is possible if we feel like we want to. Personally, I am scheduled to give blood at work on the 24th, so I'm going to do the 7 days, and then take 3 days to eat again so I won't pass out when they're sucking out all my blood.

It should be interesting since we still have to be around food every day and feed Martha her normal food. I know the temptation to cave will be there. I'm hoping to stay strong and get through the 7 days.

I'm really excited about all the nutrients my body will be getting though. It sounds so cheesy. I'm aware. I just eat so much crap. I'm always moving so slowly, tired, etc. From what I understand...this could be a really good boost for me. I mean, it's inevitable - when you stop eat all the crap and replace it with tons of fruits and vegetables, it has to do something good. So, we'll see!

I'm also hoping that the juice combinations that we learn to make are tasty enough that Martha will like them too. It would be really nice to get some veggies in her diet. She's not the healthiest eater, which is our fault, I know.

We're going out Friday night for our last yummy meal. I'm craving guacamole.

I am not invincible.

2011-08-05T10:03:00.000-07:00

I am not invincible, although I was really crossing my fingers hard yesterday hoping that I could escape contracting whatever stomach bug Martha and Chris had.

Martha threw up at my Mom & Dad's house on Wednesday, but who knew it would turn into more and more puke? She woke up from her afternoon nap at home in puke. Threw up two more times that night, then woke up the next morning in puke. Who know how long she had been sleeping in it. I have no idea why she didn't cry or wake up and talk or just anything to alert me to the fact that she was rolling around in vomit. When I went to get her up Thursday morning and discovered the mess, she said "shooo weeee" like she does when I change her dirty diapers. She knows what's up. It stank really bad. And that sheet is ruined. One word: blueberries.

Chris picked up the sickness at some point and had his own puke-fest on Thursday when I decided to stay home and help with Martha, per his request. He didn't think he could take care of her and be sick at the same time.

I thought I avoided it... until I got to work today. Stomach pains galore.

I feel bad that I left my one remaining teammate alone yesterday (he said it sucked) so I'm trying to avoid leaving early today. I popped some pepto and am saying silent prayers every half hour or so. I'm on my lunch break right now and have less than 3 hours to go.

I'll summon Patty Loveless as much as I can until I'm safe in my car on the way home. I just need to think about anything but puking...

"I try to think about Elvis, Memphis, Oprah in the afternoon
I try to think about palm trees, fig leaves, the creature of the black lagoon
I try to think about high heels and good deals anything to get me through"

Between perfect and terrible.

2011-07-28T09:32:00.000-07:00

Just when I'd finished my multi-paragraphed complain-fest 2011 post, I read another blog that I frequent and at the very end says this:

"Everyone can look perfect or they can look terrible. And it’s true for every job, as well. Every boss. Every co-worker.

It’s a pretty safe bet that we all live our lives somewhere between the perfect and the terrible. And nothing is really really good always. But there is still sometimes. Because the really really good parts exist only in brief moments.

So when you think you need to switch jobs, or switch cities, or switch spouses, or switch any of the other bazillion things that you might feel are not as good as they should be, remind yourself that your job, your family, and even your dinners are probably pretty much the same as everyone else’s. And remind yourself to enjoy those brief, really, really good parts." Found Here

So I asked Chris on gchat to tell me something really, really good about my job. But before he could answer me my manager came over to my desk and asked to see me in the conference room for a minute. Expecting some lame bi-quarterly-annual reviewthatmeansnothing, I was surprised when she said "What should have taken 3 weeks, took 7 months. Sorry it took so long... you've now been bumped up to a level 2 Record Tech."

Along with the promotion comes a raise. A small one, but it's something. She explains that when I was re-hired a few years ago, they'd started me back making much more than others on the same level. I'm not sure why.

So, maybe it's true... We all live our lives somewhere between perfect and terrible. When I think I need to switch jobs because it's not as good as it should be, I need to remind myself of the brief really, really good parts. Like promotions and raises and days off. And sometimes I just need to say "Shaunna, quit your bitchin'."

Streaming

2011-07-21T12:41:00.000-07:00

This week has kicked my butt.
So did last week.
The next two will be hell since we'll be short a team member at work.
Martha is probably allergic to pimentos.
Does that mean she might be allergic to other peppers too?
Did you even know that pimentos are peppers?
I want a new camera so so so so so bad.
I'm thinking about having a yard sale.
Not that it will get me the $3k I need for my dream camera.
But it will get some of the junk out of my house.
And maybe $100 in my pocket.
Did I mention Chris got a promotion?
So proud of him...

In regards to my last blog:

2011-07-15T05:16:00.000-07:00

My cousin, Ginger, posted a quote on twitter yesterday that really struck a cord with me.

"Nobody tells this to people who are beginners, I wish someone told me. All of us who do creative work, we get into it because we have good taste. But there is this gap. For the first couple years you make stuff, it’s just not that good. It’s trying to be good, it has potential, but it’s not. But your taste, the thing that got you into the game, is still killer. And your taste is why your work disappoints you. A lot of people never get past this phase, they quit. Most people I know who do interesting, creative work went through years of this. We know our work doesn’t have this special thing that we want it to have. We all go through this. And if you are just starting out or you are still in this phase, you gotta know its normal and the most important thing you can do is do a lot of work. Put yourself on a deadline so that every week you will finish one story. It is only by going through a volume of work that you will close that gap, and your work will be as good as your ambitions. And I took longer to figure out how to do this than anyone I’ve ever met. It’s gonna take awhile. It’s normal to take awhile. You’ve just gotta fight your way through."
— Ira Glass

So, there's that. Which, directly correlates with my frustrations that I wrote about before with doing video. I get frustrated because my stuff disappoints me. And maybe it's like what Brooke commented saying that anyone can be an expert at anything if they put an enormous amount of time into it.

I'm still getting a nice dslr, just one with video capabilities. And maybe I will do both video and photos. Maybe I will enjoy video the more I practice. Maybe I'll enjoy photos more. We'll see. I guess what I'm saying is that I won't give up on video just yet. But I'm not holding off on photos either.

Now I just need a couple thousand dollars to get the camera of my dreams...

Working for The Man

2011-07-12T04:55:00.000-07:00

I was brought up surrounded by normal people working normal jobs. The kind where you get up every morning, go do your job, and then come home in the evening. Monday through Friday, you worked. That was just life.

It never occurred to me that at some point in my life I could chose to do things differently. I could have a kind of job where I made my own schedule, or even be a stay at home mom/wife. Ok, so the SAHM or SAHW thing isn't incredibly realistic for most because of the issue of money, but you get what I'm saying....I just never thought it to be an option. I don't recall either of my parents telling me that I could do such things. But I don't recall them telling me that going to an office M-F, 9-5 is the only way to do things either.

When I stumbled upon this realization that I could be free from the restraints of The Man, it was like my eyes were opened for the first time. Why hadn't I thought of this 5 years ago before I was married and had a baby? It would have been easier to get started in something like that back then. Now I have responsibilities and obligations to monetarily contribute every 2 weeks.

When I had my moment of clarity I immediately started thinking about what I could do that would bring in enough income to counteract what I would normally make working for The Man. Around that same time, I saw a video someone had done for a wedding of a girl I am acquainted with. It was the coolest looking 3 minute wedding video ever.

The conversation in my head:
I could make videos!
I don't have a camera.
I will get a camera and I will make videos.
I don't know how to edit or shoot. I've never done it before.
I will learn.

So, I got a camera and I'm learning. But I'm slowly realizing that I'm not very good at making videos. I know it will get better with time and experience, but at this point, I'm making lame home videos, at best.

Let me just go ahead and confess something. Doing video wasn't my first choice. Photography was. But do you know how many photographers I'm friends with? Like, a billion. You know what there needs to not be more of in Atlanta? Photographers.

So, here I am. Making bad videos. Really wishing I could make good photos. Thinking I might be stuck in this rat race.

I pretended to be young again.

2011-07-11T04:36:00.000-07:00

I needed to come back to work this morning to get a rest from this past weekend. Oh, it was fun. Lots of fun. But I'm sure my body is not made to be a mom, wife, maid, AND partier. I think you can only be 3 our of 4 of those things. Pick and chose.

We were pretty non-stop from Saturday morning until Sunday night. Went to Atlanta both days, saw friends both days. Martha got to spend more quality time with Grana (who she actually calls Nana now) Saturday night while Chris and I were pretending to be young people.

I got some really great video of people at Ashely's party. I brought my laptop to work today to work on the editing on my lunch break. I just really wish the lighting could have been better, but it was night, so what are you gonna do? Oh, have a light on your camera? Yeah, I have one of those, but people tend to freeze and stop talking when they notice they're being filmed.

The video should be up within a few days. Prepare yourselves to see a bunch of drunk people saying happy birthday and Ashley dancing on the bar. Because that is definitely what the entire video will consist of.

4th of July

2011-07-05T07:51:00.001-07:00

We had a very boring 4th of July. Since Martha is still young and acts like a monster when we try to keep her awake past 8:00, we weren't able to go watch any fireworks. Plus, it was all kinds of gross and rainy outside. Wet everywhere. So being out there would have been nasty.

We dressed her up anyway though. And I'm super excited that she'll finally leave a bow in her hair now.

We did go swimming at the Swanson's the day before though. I got her to leave these sunglasses on for a good 30 seconds. Score!

We're trying to figure out how we can afford to take a cruise sometime soon. Sure, the cruise is only $250-ish a person during the time we want to go, but then you have the cost of driving or flying to Florida, plus cost of a hotel the night before if your boat leaves in the morning. We were even considering a weekend cruise and then staying in Orlando for a day afterward to extend the vacation, but then there's costs that go along with all of that too. So, should we drop a grand on a 4-5 day vacation? Well, no, we SHOULDN'T. But will we because this will be our last vacation for at least a few years probably? We're still not sure... We're going to sit down tonight and see where we can come up with this money. Yard sale, anyone?

Y'all, I'm not playin'

2011-06-30T10:13:00.000-07:00

I have had the worst stomach virus for the last 24 hours. Never have I ever in my life had anything like this before. I've tried all kinds of medicine and nothing helps. Last night I was doubled over in pain from stomach cramps that occurred every 2 minutes which was followed my my stomach muscles throbbing. I told Chris it literally felt like when I was having contractions when I was in labor with Martha. It was that bad.

I feel as though the end MUST be near, as I have been suffering for a full 24 hours now. Please, God.

In other news...

Martha and I went to TN this past weekend through Tuesday. She stayed up there with my Mom the next 2 days, and she should be back home this evening. Chris hasn't seen her for almost an entire week. He's about to go nuts missing her.

We had a good time seeing a lot of the family that's up there. I wish Nick would have made it over to Noni and Paw Paw's, but I'm sure we'll see him at Christmas time. And of course Heather and her family were coming in town a week after I left. That always happens! We always just barely miss each other. Dangit.

I shot some video and am in the process of editing it into a short highlights video of the weekend. It's nice to have things like that to keep for memories. I hope Martha likes watching herself as a toddler on video when she grows up.

Ok, so I know most of you don't follow the Casey Anthony trial, but I do. So I must mention that the defense will most likely rest their case today. Which means Judge Perry (The Velvet Hammer) will ask Casey Anthony if she's sure she doesn't want to testify (if she hasn't already) and then I suppose the jury will go into deliberations. That is, as long as The Velvet Hammer denies the motion for mistrial that he had previously held off on and said he'd give ruling prior to getting a verdict. I'm pretty excited to see how this all turns out.

An open letter

2011-06-23T11:12:00.001-07:00

Dear blog readers,

Quit lurking and comment on all these super awesome, wonderful and important things I have to say! I get discouraged when several posts in a row get 0 comments. You could even just let me know that you're still here.

Sincerely,
:(

Technology. What did you grow up with?

2011-06-22T05:15:00.000-07:00

Remember Prodigy? I don't remember exactly what it was, but as far as I know, it was some sort of internet-ish type of thing. I just remember dialing up to it from our house in Hermitage. I couldn't have been more than 7 years old.

I get so frustrated at work with particular *ahem* "older" people and their lack of technology understanding. I'm no tech geek by any means, which makes it even more annoying that the things I find to be so simple, are so not simple for them. "Them" being people that didn't grow up being able to use the internet for school project research. Encyclopedia? What's that?

Clicking on a link in an email shouldn't be a task that requires explaining. Yet, sometimes it has to be explained...and in great detail...and explained again because they couldn't hear what you said the first two times. All the while I'm sitting at my desk with steam coming out of my ears because, really, how can you not know what to do with a link in an email? Come on!

Anyway, I am proud of the people from older generations that make an effort to at least know the basics of what to do on the computer. I find that if they would just sit down and figure out a few things, everything else will fall into place. Honestly, it's really not confusing. Even iPhones aren't confusing. I promise. Then again, I come from a generation that has had technology at our fingertips for the majority of our lives.

Hey, you guys...

2011-06-13T06:47:00.000-07:00

Hey, you guys...

This whole phase Martha is going through right now SUCKS. Anyone that has ever had a 1 year old can relate, I'm sure.

This weekend Chris spent a few nights at his friends cabin, doing things that boys do at cabins....drinking, buying matching America t-shirts, getting in the hot tub, etc. I spent the weekend trying not to lose my mind dealing with a child that was whining about 95% of the time and didn't herself even know what she wanted. She'd point to the snacks and whine, so I'd give her some snacks. But then she would push them away and whine some more. This went on allllllll weekend in various forms.

I tried having dinner out at O'Charleys with my mom Friday night. Keeping Martha up past her bed time was a bad idea. We didn't even finish half our meal. I took Martha outside while my mom paid the check. She went right to bed as soon as we got home.

I wanted to meet up with Kelli, The Gordons, and the Ducketts for lunch on Sunday, but I knew better than to attempt to take her out in a public restaurant at 1:00, when she would normally be napping. Sure enough, she was a monster all day on Sunday and was promptly napping at the time that my friends were enjoying their delicious meal at La Parilla. I was sitting in the living room trying to recollect myself in preparation for the rest of the day.

Where did my sweet baby girl go? Oh, that's right...she's on the verge of the terrible twos. I imagine the "terrible twos" are really the "terrible one to threes." Am I right, parents with toddlers? Bada bing!

Anyway, Martha woke up this Monday morning in THE BEST mood I've ever seen her in. Laughing, smiling, talking, hugging her blanket and saying "awwwwwww." I can only hope that she stays that good all day for my mom. God bless her soul if she has to deal with cranky Martha plus Cohen all day.

In conclusion, dear friends, please understand that I cannot leave the house with Martha between the hours of 8-11 AM and 1-3 PM. It's just not going to be a good experience for anyone. Also, please understand these nap times may vary about an hour earlier or later than the times I listed and may be shorter or longer. Babies love to be unpredictable like that. In addition, I CANNOT WAIT until other people that I know have kids and understand this. Unfortunately, I am a little bit ahead of most of my friends in the "kid" area and have to wait for them to catch up. I try to be understanding in their lack of knowledge. For I have been the ignorant one in the past....never understanding why Cohen had to be home at particular times for his naps. I totally get it now. Totally.

Martha in the Summertime

2011-06-05T11:43:00.000-07:00

New video camera means fun with shooting and editing. I have only ever used a real video camera one other time in my life that I can remember. It was huge and required a full size VHS, if I recall. Now, I'm using an HD camera that has 16 GB of built in memory, plus room for more with additional memory card, of course. Fancy stuff. After I shot about 28 minutes of Martha doing random stuff throughout the day yesterday, I sat down last night and learned iMovie. The basics, really. There's much more to it that I'll learn as time goes by and I have more material to work with. And after watching the raw video I took, I definitely need to learn some tricks for preventing a shaky camera, for sure.

So, this is what 28 minutes of video, and an hour and a half of beginners editing makes:

Martha in the Summertime

I know a girl who knows a girl.

2011-06-02T09:03:00.000-07:00

I know a girl who knows a girl that is part of a radio show in Texas. I don't know much about what was said about this topic because I didn't hear the audio. I only saw the poll that the radio station put up on their website. The question was "Jaime rips these pictures out of magazines before her husband sees them. What are your thoughts?" And below were pics of some girls in bikinis. Just regular ol' girls in bikinis. Like ones you would see in a Victoria's Secret catalog for swimwear.

The girl I know that knows this radio talk show girl posted on Facebook....and I quote..."Jamie - I am so glad that you and Aaron have decided together that this is a good thing to help protect your marriage. I wish more couples would talk about this stuff and consider each other before they do themselves. Its not like you are tearing these out behind his back. Thank you for being willing to talk about this when you know so many would disagree. You for sure trust each other but we are all capable of making bad decision and you are just doing your part in making sure you both don't make those mistakes!"

Now....how can I put this delicately? I think a simple "I disagree" will suffice, but I'll explain more because I think it will eat at my soul if I don't speak my mind.

So...
Seriously?
For real?

Ok, let me back up...like I said before...I didn't hear the audio, so it's very possible that her explaining herself makes more sense than me just guessing her reasons for tearing out those pictures. But let's just get real here.

Obviously she cannot shield her husband from seeing all women. Obviously she cannot shield her husband from the posters that hang in the mall, the billboards that are up on the highways, the commercials on tv, the movies they watch, that all have women in bikinis in/on them. What in the world is the point of tearing out the magazine pictures? One could argue that even though she cannot shield his eyes from ALL of these images, blocking out just a few of them at least will lessen the load. But then a different One would argue logic. Is this husband going to go have an affair because he sees images of women other than his wife in bikinis? How exactly is taking 10% of these images away from his eyes "protecting his marriage?" And exactly what "mistake" would be be making?

13 year old Youth Group Shaunna would gasp at the thought of someone's husband feasting their eyes on another woman's body! 13 year old Youth Group Shaunna would also gasp at the thought of listening to "secular music."

Modern Day, I Live In The Real World Shaunna is realistic. And not an idiot. Is Chris going to cheat on me because he sees random bikini ads out in the real world? No. If Chris cheated on me it would be for a much larger reason....something along the lines of he's a bad guy, a creep, and he didn't deserve to be married to me. And Modern Day, I Live In The Real World Shaunna isn't going to go out and do bad things because I like to listen to Ke$ha songs on the radio.

So what if the girl I know was just trying to prevent her husband from lusting? Can we talk about Charlie Hunnam, AKA Jax Teller from Sons of Anarchy? HOTT. Yeah, with two T's. Chris and I watch Sons of Anarchy together. We love the show. And Jax is a sexy man. It's just a fact. Does me saying that make me a bad person? No. Does that mean I'm going to hell? No. Does that mean I'm going to go out and try to get with someone other than Chris? No. If Charlie Hunnam himself, in the flesh, offered himself to me...would I take him up on that offer? (Insert obvious "eh.....maybe" joke here), but really.....No. Because Chris is my husband. I made vows in front of God and everybody. I love him and I would not do anything to compromise our marriage. And no, I don't think me seeing Jax with his shirt off is compromising our marriage.

So, I will not be attempting to shield Chris's precious eyes from these horrible, secular, worldly girls in bikinis. I don't feel the need, because I'm not a naive person.

I'm fully prepared to hear feedback about Jesus and the bible and thing similar to what I would have heard from JB Kitts in 1997, but honestly, I don't know that there's anything that could change my opinion about this. I'm open for a devil's advocate though because I feel like my Dad will be popping up in the comments section.

Also, here is Charlie Hunnam. Shield your eyes!

Before and After - Part 4

2011-05-25T05:53:00.000-07:00

When I say that this project was a pain in the butt, I mean it. Luckily Chris did all the crappy parts.

The original paint on the front porch and sidewalk was probably not proper, outdoor concrete paint. We know this because every time it rained it would bubble up and peel. There was no way to really know for sure though since it was like this when we bought the house. The color on the porch was a plum purple, and underneath that was white. The sidewalk was white and underneath that was the gray color that the driveway is. See...pain in the butt.

So, we first tried to get the 2 layers of paint off with the pressure washer. We thought since it was already peeling it'd work. Nope. What I did find (accidentally)that got some huge chunks off though was to take our leaf blower and get it under some of the bubbles and it would form a HUGE bubble and I could just grab it and peel it off. That took about half of the top purple layer off. The rest of it was covered in a liquid stripper, left on for a few hours, then painstakenly either pressure washed or scraped off by hand. It suuuuuuuuuucked.

When all the old paint was off (and in flakes all over our front yard) I was able to put the primer on. It was clear and sticky. Not like normal paint primer that you'd use in your house. Who knew! After it sat for 8 hours I could put the first coat of paint on. We used a "beige gray" which really just looks gray, but whatever. Trimed the edges with a big sponge brush then rolled on the rest with the paint roller. A few days later, when I found the time, I put the second coat on.

Getting all the old paint off was a pain in the butt. The painting was a breeze.

So here it is....before and after. Trust me...if you had seen the "before" in person, you would be amazed at how awesome the "after" looks now.

So fresh and so clean clean.

Sidewalk Before:

Sidewalk After:

Front Porch Before:

Front Porch After:

Bathroom

2011-05-24T05:08:00.001-07:00

How much do you love this bathroom?

I love it so much I want to marry it.

My personal savings account is being built up again in preparation for re-painting the kitchen. I'm doing some research on what to do about our cabinets. There's so much grease and grime built up on the ones surrounding the stove. I'm not sure if taking care of that, plus painting them is a job I want to tackle on my own. I might leave that to some professionals and save myself the time. And in that case, it will be a while before I have the money for that.

Before and After - Part 3

2011-05-20T05:09:00.000-07:00

I bought this table off of Craigslist last year for $50. It's been outside getting sun beaten and weathered ever since.

Before:

After:

Primed and painted on top with the same color as our front door. The legs and underneath are espresso brown. Took forever, but it was worth it.

here's another view...

Before and After - Part 2

2011-05-18T11:47:00.000-07:00

We borrowed my Dad's pressure washer and Chris got to work.

This is the back patio before:

And this is the back patio after:

Here's a look at just how dirty it was:

Don't tell Chris, but I'm tempted to paint the back patio since 1) it's already clean 2) who the crap wants a white patio and 3) we already have the stuff to do it. Sure I'll probably need 1 more gallon of paint, but the leftovers from the porch plus 1 gallon would definitely cover it. I'm still thinking about it...

Before and After - Part 1

2011-05-16T05:30:00.000-07:00

Friday, Saturday, and Sunday were non-stop this weekend. Chris and I set out to get as much done on our list that we could. That meant him pressure washing for 6 hours straight, and us both being very tired today. There's still a lot left to do, but this is what we got done:

Front door primed, painted, and new handle attached. I'm thinking about putting a kick plate on, but I'm not sure yet...

Before

After

I spray painted both outdoor light fixtures. They were an ugly, old brass before. Now they're silver.

Before

After

The mailbox area is what I'm most proud of so far. I pulled everything up and did a whole new mailbox area.

Before

After

The back patio, front porch, walkway, and driveway have all been pressure washed and everything but the driveway has been stripped of the 2 layers of paint that were on them. We're re-painting them this week. The picnic table has been primed and will probably be finished tonight. Gutters still need to be cleaned out and a few boards that are falling on the outside of the house need to be nailed back up, but I think that's it.

I'll get a few hanging plants and probably a new door mat for the back patio to liven things up a bit.

We should be done with all of these projects by the end of the month.

Spring

2011-05-10T05:07:00.001-07:00

Every time spring rolls around I get this itch to try to make the outside of our house look nice. I guess everyone does that. Last year I couldn't do anything because I had a newborn baby, but the year before that I planted a TON of flowers and even started a raised garden. I actually grew some squash!

This year's list is out of control. First of all, there are several boards on the outside of our house that need to be nailed back in place. They're sort of falling off. It's a quality home we have, ya know. Then there's the paint peeling off our front porch and sidewalk. It's been like that since the first time it rained after we moved in. I think someone used the wrong kind of paint. These are just a few of the thing that need to be fixed.

We also need to clean out the gutters, pressure wash the patios and driveway, pull up all the weeds in the yard, and probably do some tree and bush trimming.

And then there are the projects that I want to do that are more voluntary and that I created just for me. Like painting the front door a new color and installing the new door handle, painting the patio table, and spraying the brass light fixtures to make them look new and updated.

But our main project is getting done on Friday. We're focusing right now on installing the new mailbox and re-vamping the mailbox area landscaping. We are making a stone flower bed around the new mailbox.

I'll be doing before and after photos of all the projects, of course.

David

2011-05-03T11:48:00.000-07:00

My friend David read the blog that I posted just a few hours ago (you should probably read that one before this one so you'll know what I'm talking about) and sent me something he had written. He said that no one really knows about his blog, so I could post this on mine in a response to my last blog if I wanted to. And I do.

So here it is:

This week I've been dealing with a measure of guilt at the fact that I have two healthy babies. My wife and I found out that we were pregnant a couple of weeks after my best friend and his wife lost their twins due to pregnancy complications. We found out that we were having twins and announced to the world Tanya's pregnancy the same week as another couple we knew, and this couple is now having to come to terms with the fact that they are going to have to let their son go as his brain is underdeveloped to sustain his life. My friends have been asking, "why do bad things happen to good people?" My question since Saturday has been why we are so blessed as to have two healthy babies when so many close to us have lost their children.

My answer to this question is not easy to swallow. It doesn't make me feel any better and doesn't sit well with what we would like to believe about God. There are several things about my faith that rub against my heart and my mind and are not what I want to hear, but there are things about my friends and my wife and my family members that aren't exactly the way that I would wish them, so I have to expect the same with my God.

The question that I've heard many times over the past week is an old one: "why do bad things happen to good people?" From a historical Christian perspective, this question is backwards. The Bible says that no one is good. From Adam and Eve until now, our species has been diseased. I know a couple who recently celebrated the first birthday of their daughter, who has a genetic disease that puts her in constant pain and will eventually kill her. Both of her parents were carriers for the gene that causes this disease. No one blames the parents for having a child, we simply accept that the child inherited a disease that is fatal. The Bible tells us that all humans have inherited the disease of sin which is fatal for all of us.

I've heard since I was a child that God has a reason for bad things to happen, that it is part of God's plan, that it is "God's will" and that He has a purpose in it. I DO NOT BELIEVE THAT PAIN, SUFFERING, DISEASE, AND DEATH ARE A PART OF GOD'S WILL. God does not will that parents will lose children, or that husbands will lose wives to cancer or that children will lose parents in car accidents. God's will was that we would live in constant communion with Him, but this plan was ruined by our ancestors. Our inheritance, as a result, is death.

We are all evil and broken apart from God. We deserve bad things to happen to us, but we all instead see ourselves as good and therefore expect good things. Rather than being consumed by the bad things that happen, we need to be thankful for every thing good that happens around us and to us because it is undeserved. Every time that a healthy child is born we need to thank God that he blessed us with something we don't deserve. Every day that we wake up we need to thank God for his blessing. Every moment that God does not destroy our entire world for our wickedness, we need to thank Him for his mercy in giving us a chance to be better than we were the day before.

Good People

2011-05-03T10:07:00.001-07:00

It's hard to write this and focus. This is a subject that's hard to gather all my thoughts on and put into an organized manner. I'm really just going to touch base on one thought in particular.

When my friend's Dad died shortly after we graduated high school, I remember her questioning...If there is a God and He is so good, why does He let bad things happen to good people? I think at that point in my life I believed that everything happened for a reason. Maybe to bring someone closer to God? Maybe to prove a point? To show a purpose? To make someone stronger?

I've known 3 couples to lose their child(ren) recently. 4 babies over the past year and a half, to be exact. That's too many. 1 is too many. So what is the purpose of a parent losing their child before they even get to know them? That's the first on my list of things I want to ask God when I see him someday.

As always, you never know what's the best thing to say to a mourning mother and father. Everyone always gives the typical lines.

I'm so sorry.
This is all a part of His will.
I am thinking and praying for your family.
Praying for peace. You're so strong.

My thoughts have changed on things now. I feel like sometimes shit just happens. And there's no reason. Bad stuff happens to good people all the time. They don't deserve it, they didn't do anything wrong, it just happens. And it's not fair.

Kelli and I were talking about it this morning (it's been the topic of conversation for us the past several days considering the most recent death is looming as soon as the parents take him off life support) and neither of us understand. There are some really crappy people out there that are crappy parents to kids. But these people that lose their children would have been amazing parents to the child that they now have to mourn.

It's just shitty.
And I want answers.

Bad American?

2011-05-02T04:37:00.000-07:00

I woke up this morning to the flood of tweets and Facebook posts about Bin Laden being killed. Tons of people celebrating and cheering about this horrible, horrible man finally being killed. "Hooray! He's dead!"

It all felt really wrong.

And this is where I confuse myself. I'm supposed to be happy that justice was served. And, I guess I am. He was responsible for killing thousands of Americans.

But then there is the human side of me that feels unsettled about hearing the words "Hooray! He's dead!" come out of anyone's mouth. No matter how horrible of a person he was.... Too rejoice in murder?

It just feels wrong that cheering in the street is because someone is no longer alive.

So, I'm a little confused as to how I should feel about this. Am I a bad American? I'm glad that the unknown of his whereabouts are no longer a threat, but am I glad that he is no longer breathing?

It's a mix of emotions.

Martha's First Birthday

2011-04-29T06:04:00.001-07:00

What a wonderful first birthday party Martha had! So many people came and ate and played. I'm so glad we were able to have the party at my parent's house because this number of people would have been a tight squeeze at ours.

I can't wait for more babies and more pictures like this:

And look at how happy she was to get this bunny...which I'm sure she thought was a dog. And she's probably barking in this picture.

Decor

2011-04-25T06:00:00.001-07:00

I love pieces of furniture that look like they could fall apart at any second.

And this fan collection?! SUCH a unique look, and I love how they're displayed here.

Oh, don't mind me...

2011-04-21T10:28:00.000-07:00

Oh, don't mind me...I'm just posting these wonderful/beautiful/amazing things on here so I will have a reference for what I want in my next home. Because, ya know, some day I'll be rich and will be able to afford these things. Ha!

Farmhouse sink, country-ish style, love the green color, glass front cabinets.

I die for pocket doors. And these are especially lovely being that they're glass and leading into the pantry.

I love the wide front steps. I don't know why.

A shower without a door. It's a shower cleaners dream! Really, I just love the openness of it all. Not being all cramped in a little, dark shower. Either of these would do...

Or if I really want to get crazy, I could basically have a whole shower room like this. This is something I definitely would not want to clean on my own though. It'd take like an hour. No, thanks.

This is all I'll post right now. But later I'll get into pools, decor, patios/decks, and much more. Oh, I know you're excited.

Tina Fey

2011-04-18T05:53:00.000-07:00

Tina Fey is hilarious and awesome and she just wrote a book called Bossypants. She wrote a "Lords Prayer" type of thing for her daughter that is so funny.

Here it is...

First, Lord: No tattoos. May neither Chinese symbol for truth nor Winnie-the-Pooh holding the FSU logo stain her tender haunches.

May she be Beautiful but not Damaged, for it’s the Damage that draws the creepy soccer coach’s eye, not the Beauty.

When the Crystal Meth is offered, May she remember the parents who cut her grapes in half And stick with Beer.

Guide her, protect her
When crossing the street, stepping onto boats, swimming in the ocean, swimming in pools, walking near pools, standing on the subway platform, crossing 86th Street, stepping off of boats, using mall restrooms, getting on and off escalators, driving on country roads while arguing, leaning on large windows, walking in parking lots, riding Ferris wheels, roller-coasters, log flumes, or anything called “Hell Drop,” “Tower of Torture,” or “The Death Spiral Rock ‘N Zero G Roll featuring Aerosmith,” and standing on any kind of balcony ever, anywhere, at any age.

Lead her away from Acting but not all the way to Finance. Something where she can make her own hours but still feel intellectually fulfilled and get outside sometimes And not have to wear high heels.

What would that be, Lord? Architecture? Midwifery? Golf course design? I’m asking You, because if I knew, I’d be doing it, Youdammit.

May she play the Drums to the fiery rhythm of her Own Heart with the sinewy strength of her Own Arms, so she need Not Lie With Drummers.

Grant her a Rough Patch from twelve to seventeen. Let her draw horses and be interested in Barbies for much too long, For childhood is short – a Tiger Flower blooming Magenta for one day – And adulthood is long and dry-humping in cars will wait.

O Lord, break the Internet forever, That she may be spared the misspelled invective of her peers And the online marketing campaign for Rape Hostel V: Girls Just Wanna Get Stabbed.

And when she one day turns on me and calls me a Bitch in front of Hollister, Give me the strength, Lord, to yank her directly into a cab in front of her friends, For I will not have that Shit. I will not have it.

And should she choose to be a Mother one day, be my eyes, Lord, that I may see her, lying on a blanket on the floor at 4:50 A.M., all-at-once exhausted, bored, and in love with the little creature whose poop is leaking up its back.

“My mother did this for me once,” she will realize as she cleans feces off her baby’s neck. “My mother did this for me.” And the delayed gratitude will wash over her as it does each generation and she will make a Mental Note to call me. And she will forget. But I’ll know, because I peeped it with Your God eyes.

Amen.

Birthday Girl

2011-04-18T04:38:00.000-07:00

April 18, 2010 and April 18, 2011

My tiny, little, itty bitty baby is 1 year old today. Not so much a "baby" anymore. This year has been the absolute best year ever. It's crazy how much they grow in the first year. She started out not being able to say or do anything. Now she has her favorite phrase "What's that?" and she can walk behind her shopping cart all over the house.

She really is the best.

April is insane.

2011-04-06T04:18:00.000-07:00

The month of April is just nuts. There's something going on all the time.

Chris mentioned to me this morning that my birthday is tomorrow. "Oh yeah. I forgot." Ha ha. We never do anything on my actual birthday, EVER, so the 7th doesn't really mean much to me other than that I will technically be 28 years old.

We're leaving Martha with my parents on Friday night while we go to Braves opening day and then we leave eeeeeeeearly Saturday morning to drive to Orlando for my friend Tiffany's wedding. We'll be down there until Monday.

I can't believe I'm leaving Martha for 3 nights! I've never done more than 1 night before. This is just crazy. I'm sure we'll hurry back on Monday before I go completely insane from missing her. And I'm 100% positive that I'll watch videos of her on my phone the whole weekend.

So, that's this weekend. Next weekend is Martha's birthday party. Chris's mom is coming in town that Friday. I'll be doing party prep on Saturday, then the party is Sunday afternoon at my parent's house. I'm still in disbelief that she will be 1.

Speaking of Martha growing up...
She's CONSTANTLY saying "Who's that" now and pointing to anything that's near her.
And I don't know how she became so obsessed with dogs, but she looooves them. She even barks. And I will tell you...the accent she has when saying the word "dog" is probably the cutest southern accent you'll ever hear. Definitely more of "dawg" than "dog." I'm ok with that.

Here's proof:

Death and Taxes

2011-03-30T09:55:00.000-07:00

It bugs me that I know a lot of people that act like it's a big deal that they're doing their taxes, getting their oil changed in their car, and getting jobs that don't involve serving food, folding clothes, or running a cash register.

Oprah

2011-03-09T09:36:00.000-08:00

Many, many months ago Chris and I watched an episode of Oprah where a man forgot to drop his son off at daycare one morning. The boy was stuck in his car seat in the hot car all day and died in the parking lot of the man's office.

Chris casually mentioned to me yesterday, "Remember that episode of Oprah we saw? Do you ever double check the back seat to make sure you dropped Martha off?"

My response: "Yes, daily."

I think that horrible story stuck with both of us. Sometimes I even check the back seat twice just to make doubly sure that Martha isn't there when I'm driving to work.

Chris asked if I thought it was possible that my mind could ever go into auto pilot like that man and I could forget that she was there. I said I could totally see that happening to someone, but not me. Why not? I have no idea. I mean, I'd like to think that I could never make a mistake like that, but one can never be 100% positive.

It breaks my heart to think about the guilt that the man feels having accidentally forgotten his little boy and caused his death.

Children just aren't supposed to die before their parents. There's an order to things. And when the order gets all screwed up and it's your fault, I mean, how would someone be able to handle that? So horrible.

BRAINZZ

2011-03-04T10:04:00.000-08:00

I saw a vanity licens plate that said "BRAINZZ" this morning. That's the only one I've ever seen that I approve of.

Last night I started on week #2 of the Couch to 5k training that I'm doing. This week it's alternating running for 90 seconds and walking for 120 seconds. Cardio-wise, I can keep up. It's just getting my leg muscles to keep going that's the problem. I was able to finish though and I know it'll get easier the next time.

I gave blood again this morning at work. The prick on my finger hurts worse than the actual spot in my arm that they jammed in needle into. Don't they know I need this finger to type? I always find it funny when they ask what your birth gender is in the pre-screaning.

Ok, so you guys know how good I am at buying and selling stuff on Craigslist. I'm a pro. It makes me sad to admit this, but I cannot sell Chris's iPad for the life of me. I've gotten to the point with 2 people where we're about to set up a day and time to meet and they've both backed out. And then there's the lady that gave me attitude because I won't take $400 for my $769 item. Since Chris is selling this just because...and not because we need the money for anything in particular, we both agreed that $500 is the lowest we would take. Even though I haven't seen ANY other ads that are as low as ours, I just can't sell it. I'm about 4 days away from admitting defeat and keeping the iPad. And it doesn't help that the new iPads are being released soon.

Right.
So.

Lastly, I'm determined to capture Martha singing on video. That kid will dance to anything, but it's hard to catch her when she's singing. It's the most adorable soft spoken voice that I never want to forget. This is my current challenge.

Easy and Lucy

2011-02-26T17:50:00.001-08:00

I brought my laptop outside for this one. "So you know it's good..."

It is so beautiful outside right now. And so quiet. Something that I haven't had a lot of lately. I don't know why. Chris has caught me a few times recently sitting in my car in the driveway for a few minutes after I get home from work. It's nice just to sit and enjoy no noise. He thinks it's weird.

Anyway.

David and Tanya had their babies today. It was awesome. We were there with all of their families (and Kelli and a few other close friends) in the waiting room for the news. They didn't find out the sex of the babies before, so it was a surprise for everyone. David posted a picture on Facebook of Brandon and Brenda from 90210 to share the news that it was a boy and a girl. So clever, that one.

Ezekiel Rogers Gordon and Lucy Mayrice Gordon are their names. The boy will be going by Easy. So cute. Lucy is named after David's grandmother, who was also there waiting with everyone. She didn't know that they were going to name her Lucy, so she got really emotional when he told her. Her crying made everyone else cry and it was awesome. Watching David's mom be so excited about everything was adorable. When David posted the picture on Facebook of Brandon and Brenda and we all knew that the babies were officially born, I watched David's mom give David's dad a big, long hug over to the side away from everyone with tears in her eyes. She was so proud.

Even though all we were doing was sitting and waiting, I'm glad we got to be a part of the group that was there. You could tell it was only people that were really close with David and Tanya and I'm happy to be included in that.

I know I will get to see these babies grow up their entire lives and I can't wait!

Today was a good day.

February

2011-02-18T05:46:00.000-08:00

February can suck it. I've had my car broken into, GPS stolen, speeding ticket, ticket for no updated address on my license, ANOTHER speeding ticket (with a crooked, lying cop), computer issues at work that lost me a day and a half of work time, and allllllll the stress that comes along with these things.

I've been trying to work some overtime this month to have some nice spending money for Martha's birthday, and to buy just a few things that I want. This was all before I needed to buy a new GPS and pay for 3 tickets. Awesome.

I am not having a great time right now, but I know it will pass. And I'll go back to having a normal, stress-free life soon enough. I just hate how things always come crashing down all at one time.

Still, there's this adorable thing:

When she's not cranky because of a day with only a 30 minute nap, or teething pain, she's the best.

Valentines Day

2011-02-14T10:39:00.000-08:00

So, it's Valentines Day. You know what me and Chris are doing? Nothing.

I don't want a card or flowers. And my thighs sure don't need chocolate. Chris checked with me like 5 times to makes sure I wasn't just testing him or something.

I promised him that I am more than ok with us going out to dinner on Saturday as a family. Really, we would have normally done this anyway.

A card and flowers would be nice for like 30 seconds, but then they'd be unappreciated. The card would get tossed and in a week the flowers would be dead. (The cats would try to eat them in the process.) I'm aware that makes me sound ungrateful. Honestly, I just think it's a waste of money. I'd rather it be put toward something that we need (like a bigger crock pot) or something that we want (like a new mailbox).

So, happy Valentine's Day, all you sappy fools! Tonight I will eat leftovers and go to bed early.

No FH.

2011-02-08T05:45:00.000-08:00

I love Melissa Beck. As much as someone could ever love someone they don't even know. If you watched The Real World season 1 (New Orleans) you know who I'm talking about. Except she was Melissa Howard back then. She's married to one of the members of Glassjaw now, Justin.

I read her blog, and I've actually emailed with her once before. (I was WAY too excited that she replied to me.) This was back in the day that I was trying to get pregnant and it was taking a lot longer than I'd hoped. She had the same experience and went through all the standard "I can't get pregnant" tests. I had just emailed her to ask about her experiences with all that to know what I'd be looking at having to go through. She wrote back and was very sweet and kind, answered my questions, and gave encouragement. And, of course, was funny as hell in the process.

So, it broke my heart to read a blog she wrote a few days ago. She, like I, had gotten pregnant and lost the baby really early. At 9 weeks to be exact. She went through the D&C like I did. She talked about how she felt like something was wrong with her body that it couldn't make a baby right, just like I had felt. She told her husband that it hadn't even crossed her mind that she could lose the baby, just like it had never crossed my mind that I could lose mine. She explained exactly what she was going through her head every step of the way and it was like I was reading my own story of my experience a few years ago. Her doctors were a lot more compassionate than mine were though. She got hand holding and hugs. I got "these things happen" and hurried out the door because the doctor had other patients to get to. I hated that Doctor. Three years later I can still picture him sitting there trying to be patient, but telling me that he needs to go check on other people so I need to make a decision about getting the D&C. Asshole.

Justin and Melissa went and had sushi after her bad news ultrasound.
Chris and I went and had chinese food after my bad news ultrasound.
Sitting there trying to act like you weren't just told that you aren't pregnant anymore.

I know she probably won't write back this time, but I emailed her again. Told her that the sadness goes away, but it's not something you'll ever forget.

Open Letter

2011-02-06T09:28:00.000-08:00

An open letter to the turd that broke into my car:

Dear Turd,

First of all, let me thank you. I appreciate your generosity in letting me keep my wallet, which contains my drivers license and all of my debit/credit cards. I am also grateful that you did not take my CD's, garage door opener, or my $130 car seat that was just purchased a few months ago.

I noticed that you took your time while going through my things. Not only did you open all the zippers in my purse, you also made sure to check my make-up case, my coin purse, and even the tiny zipper inside of my wallet. I'm sorry that I only had $4 in cash. I'm sure you were disappointed.

I do commend you on being thorough. If you were in a hurry, I bet you would not have taken the time to make sure you got all 3 pieces that go to the GPS.

And how brave you are! Rummaging through a car parked in the owners driveway with an outside light shining down on you?! I mean, that takes some guts.

Anyway, I hope you get at least $50 on Craigslist for the GPS that we bought for over $100. Who knows...maybe I'll be the one you're trying to sell it to. And maybe you'll be stupid enough to leave all of the previous addresses searched and "home" location programmed in it.

Sincerely,
Your Pissed Off Neighbor

P.S. I'm coming after you.

Bookshelf

2011-02-02T11:02:00.000-08:00

She swiveled* her way over to the bookshelf.

"Martha, what are you doing?"

Jackpot!

*The "swivel" is Martha's way of getting around. She doesn't crawl. She swivels her body around from a crawling stance to sitting down. It's like she's shifting her butt across the room. I find it quite charming.

Smoosh

2011-01-28T10:58:00.000-08:00

My mom said that Cohen gave Martha an animal cracker today (yay for sharing!) and she ate it with no problem. And then she cried when it was gone!

We've been giving her puffs and those yogurt bite things, but she gets so frustrated trying to pick those up and put them in her mouth because they're small pieces. I guess crackers are the way to go. Except animal crackers are really cookies. Whatever.

Adorable smooshed face against the pack n play:

Shower

2011-01-24T05:16:00.000-08:00

Now that it's over, I can post the diaper cake I made for Tan's baby shower!
Here was the progression...

For my first diaper cake, I think it turned out pretty good.

Tan made a good point about baby showers...it's always a little awkward when there are only young-ish people there. The older ladies are more chatty. I found that at the shower yesterday, the people that had the most to say are the ones that have kids. Makes sense. I feel like I'm a better gift giver now that I have my own kid. I know what we use the most and give those gifts in hopes that they will be practical and not just set aside as something that'll get re-gifted or packed away.

Anyway, Tan is looking AWESOME. And not just "Awesome for someone carrying twins." She looks great for any kind of pregnant woman. She doesn't seem too miserable either. I'm so excited to have the twins here in about 6-ish weeks. Like, SO EXCITED.

So, the shower is over and all I can do now is wait for the babies...I guess that means Martha's first birthday party planning is FULL ON in "go" mode.

Yahooooooooooo!!!

I'm a planner.

2011-01-21T07:53:00.000-08:00

I'm so excited!!!
A sneak peak into Martha's 1st birthday party:

9 Months

2011-01-18T06:08:00.001-08:00

Martha is 9 months old today! It's still so hard to believe that she's not still a tiny 3 month old baby that can't do anything but lay there and look at you. She's not a crawler yet (may never be) but she moves around in her own special way. When she's sitting up, she'll lean forward onto her feet and knees, which scoots her either forward or to the side a little bit, then she sits back down on her butt. When she does that over and over, it moves her around. Then there's the classic fall forward onto her belly and roll to where she wants to go. She's also just recently learned how to sit herself up from laying down. To avoid any disaster, Chris lowered her crib mattress the other day. She can pull herself up to her knees, so it's only a matter of time until she can go a little further and pull herself all the way up to standing up completely. Honestly, I don't think she's going to be a crawler, but that's ok. She can skip that step if she wants to.

And you better believe the wheels are already turning in my head planning her first birthday.

Here's my sweet baby girl at 9 months old:

Murray

2011-01-14T13:55:00.001-08:00

Martha loves Murray. Murray the Monster on Sesame Street. But they don't make Murray dolls or any other Murray merchandise yet. Why? Whyyyyyyyyyy? I found on a Facebook fan page people demanding Sesame Street to put out Murray merchandise. I'm not going to be all crazy and "demand" it, but it would be nice for Martha to have a Murray doll. Apparently Sesame Street says there will be Murray merch out sometime in 2011. Sweet.

Murrayyyyyyyyyy!

Day 3

2011-01-12T07:39:00.001-08:00

Day 3 of being snowed in.
The cabin fever has worn off. I think my mind just gave in to the fact that I'm never leaving the house again.

Ok, it's not that bad. I have food, my baby girl, tv, and infinite nap times (as long as Martha is napping too).

We're probably going to try driving over to my parents house later as long as my mom says we'd be able to get down their road which is a giant hill. So, there's that.

From the sound of it, my office is going to be open tomorrow morning for sure. And I'm ok with that.

Fever

2011-01-11T11:54:00.000-08:00

Day 2 of being snowed in. I might not make it.

I thought about venturing out today to try to salvage my sanity, but I can't risk it with Martha. If it were just me, I'd be somewhere else. If I'm out of work again tomorrow, I'm definitely driving over to my parents house. At least then my mom and I can be bored together.

Chris is working from home today and tomorrow.

I guess I'll go finish making a diaper cake.

Snow Day

2011-01-10T13:30:00.000-08:00

What did YOU do on your snow day?

I played with Martha, did some laundry, took a nap, played with Martha, ate breakfast, played with Martha, did more laundry, at lunch, played with Martha, cleaned the bathroom, fell in the snow 3 times, played with Martha, cleaned the kitchen, played with Martha, and finished the laundry.

Its crazy how much stuff you can get done in 1 day when you don't have to be at work.

I also took this adorable picture.

Martha isn't too sure about snow yet.

It's looking like my office might be closed again tomorrow, or at least opening a little late. Although I love all this time at home, I tend to get cabin fever easily.

Diet

2011-01-06T04:20:00.000-08:00

I know a lot of people that are dieting right now. It is January, or course. These diets are very similar though. Basically, no carbs and no sugar.

Are you serious?

I could probably cut sugar out of my diet, as I don't consume that much sugar anyway. But losing both carbs and sugar? I mean, you're basically eating meat and veggies. And, well, that just sucks.

Of course you lost 30 pounds in a month.

I'd be happy with myself if I could just get portion sizes in control and stop eating because I'm bored. Simple things, yet so hard to do.

Baby Showers

2011-01-03T10:38:00.000-08:00

So, Kelli and I get to plan Tan Tan's baby shower! This will be the first baby shower that I throw and I am so super pumped! I love planning and setting up and hosting. And how cool is it that it's a shower for twins?! Eeek!

Anyway, what's up with all the baby stuff going on right now? All kinds of people I know are getting knocked up. I'm not drinking the water...

I'm curious to how many people have baby showers for their second child. I've thought about it and I don't think I'd have another one. I have all the big stuff that we would need. I might set up a registry and accept gifts if anyone wants to send one. I just don't think I'd need all the baby shower hoopla.

You can tell I'm a big "planner." I've already thought of names and baby bedroom decorating ideas for my unborn second child that won't even be in existence for 2 years. Hey, I like to be prepared.

Holidays

2010-12-27T06:12:00.000-08:00

So, Christmas is over. New years is in just a few days and then life is back to normal.

Martha got her first ear infection on the 23rd. Scared me and Chris to death. She was burning up, shaking, and just wanted to lay in my arms and cry. Her 103 degree fever finally came down after some tylenol and sleep at 4:30 AM. She's an early bird...that's for sure. I went into labor with her at 4:00 in the morning and now her first time getting sick (other than a cold) was at 2:00 in the morning. She had a double ear infection confirmed on Christmas Eve. She was feeling pretty good by that night though after 2 doses of antibiotics. And then we woke up Christmas morning to her first tooth poking through! The very next day she had her second tooth pop up too!

She got a lot of toys and clothes from family. I think she had a good first Christmas.

Chris and I kept it pretty low key this year. We both went over the budget we set for each other, but it was worth it. We only had about 4-5 gifts for each other, but they were good gifts.

I'm happy that all the traveling and gift giving is over. I can take a break from having to do anything for a few months. Maybe I'll stop yawning at some point.

Martha is really starting to show her personality more and more these days. She's still not crawling, but she gets around by rolling. I feel like crawling is just around the corner though. She just has to learn how to move those legs! She loves to talk (she says "ba" a lot) and scream. Just this week she's started to be really sweet and lean over toward me with her arms out if she wants me to pick her up. It's nice to feel needed.

You're never too busy to respond to a text message.

2010-12-13T08:34:00.000-08:00

Whether it be immediately or an hour later, you're never too busy to return a text message. I challenge anyone to prove to me that they cannot possibly find 30 free seconds in their day to click a button, type a sentence, and hit "send."

In the case of The Person That Needs Your Response vs. The Person That Does Not Respond, the Plaintiff wins. Judgment is awarded in the amount of $me thinking you're a bad friend. Case closed and sent to archives.

Let's be honest. There's a lot of selfishness in someone that thinks they're too busy to give away a minute of their time. Out of the 1440 minutes in the day, you should be ok with giving at least one of those to another person. No matter if you have 2 kids, a spouse, a job and homework. .0694% of your day IS available, I promise you, to spend on someone else. Especially if you've already taken the time to read the text message. At that point, you've simply just decided to not respond. And THAT, my bad friend, is not being too busy.

Double fail!

2010-12-10T12:14:00.002-08:00

My back up plan became too difficult as well. Looks like I'll be turning to my third choice, which is not nearly as crafty as my first and second choices. At least I finally have all my supplies. Now it's only a matter of finding time to do this stuff. I always put too much on my plate!

Fail!

2010-12-08T05:26:00.000-08:00

I started working on part of the extended family's gift packaging last night. It was a massive failure! It would take countless hours to do and it was very sloppy. I can't send out sloppy work, so it's back to the drawing board. I have a back up plan in my head, but the wheels are still turning. We'll see how this idea pans out...

#30

2010-12-07T07:04:00.000-08:00

This is the last of the "30 Days of Truth" thing.
And I'm totally not even going to do the prompt. Because it's stupid.

Write a letter to yourself, tell yourself EVERYTHING you love about yourself.

See? It's stupid. And it uses the word "yourself" too much.

So, instead I'll just talk about what I want to talk about, which is Christmas. It is my absolute favorite day of the year. When it's over, I get kind of sad. I've pretty much finished all of my shopping (except for 2 things that I've yet to find time to go out and purchase).

For extended family in Nashville, I have a special project that I'm working on. It requires a little more of my time, so I've got to get going on that soon.

I'm also working on gift wrapping ideas. Something different than just wrapping in regular wrapping paper. But, we'll see. Right now it's just an idea in my head.

#29

2010-12-06T04:42:00.000-08:00

Something you hope to change about yourself. And why.

I've said this a thousand times in my life, but I really hope to change my weight. For there to be less of it, in particular. Since I was about 17 years old, my weight has gone up and down and up and down. Right now, I'm the heaviest I've ever been. Only 10 pounds of that is weight I gained when I was pregnant. So really, there's no excuse.

It's easy to become complacent and just say, "This is just how I look." Sooner or later, you just accept that this is the way you are. Every now and then you see pictures from when you were thin and know that it's possible to be that thin, and kind of wish you could get back there, but man, that requires a lot of effort.

I can use every excuse in the book....too tired, too busy, blah blah blah. Really, I just don't have the drive that I need. To get that drive, I need to see results, but without doing anything, I won't see any results. So....there you have it.

I WANT to lose weight. I plan on doing it. I just need to get rid of the excuses first.

#28

2010-12-02T12:25:00.000-08:00

What if you were pregnant or got someone pregnant, what would you do?

Oh man, that would just be soooooo horrible (in an exaggerated sarcastic tone).

Come on! It would be awesome to get pregnant again. I hate the actual being pregnant part, but I love the baby result. And I do plan on having at least 2 more kids. Honestly, I'd love to have another baby right now, but I'm just not sure I could do that to our finances and my mom who so selflessly watches both Cohen and Martha every day for free. Plus, we just packed up the baby swing the other day. That thing was a bitch to put up.

The current plan is to have another baby after Cohen is in preschool, as to not have to ask my mom to take care of 3 kids every day. I feel that would be unfair. So, maybe in a year or so I can get pregnant and by the time I have the baby Cohen will be 4 and in preschool. 4 is when they go to preschool right? I don't really know much about that stuff yet.

Anyway, that's the sorta-kinda-barely-talked-about-it plan.

I do find it kind of funny that I'm writing about this today since I feel like the worst mom in the world because Martha rolled off the bed this morning while I was getting ready for work. She cried for literally 10 seconds. There weren't even real tears. I think the 3 foot drop to the carpet just kind of shocked her. She's 100% fine and I've been reassured by several parents that it's common for that to happen and most of the time it's no big deal. So, thank goodness she's ok. I'll be putting her on the floor from now on.

#27

2010-12-02T05:22:00.000-08:00

What's the best thing going for you right now?

I mean, what's NOT going well for me right now? I have a wonderful husband, little precious snugly baby girl, a roof over my head that only leaks in a few places, a job that pays me all the monies, an incredible family, two crazy but awesome cats, a car that works, and a little extra to buy me things that I want but don't necessarily need.

What is the BEST of them all? Well, I just can't pick one thing.

I need a new business card.

2010-12-01T07:24:00.000-08:00

Shaunna "Making It Happen" Turner
Getting Shit Done Professional

Seriously though...I can get some shit done.

My most recent accomplishment is selling my parents kitchen table and chairs on Craigslist within 2 days and for more than they thought they'd get for them. Also, I finally heard back from the people at work that run the blood drives. I'd pitched the idea of doing a Be The Match drive here a few weeks ago. (It's a bone marrow donor program.) Someone I know has recently started treatment for cancer and has been promoting bethematch.com. Look into it if you don't know about it. I became part of the bone marrow registry early last year when they changed sign ups from $25-$50 to free. So, I'm officially in the registry bank. Anyway, I thought it would be a good idea to do a donor drive at my work along side of the Red Cross blood drive that we do every few months. So, I talked to some people and they finally got back to me today. Looks like it's going to happen! They just have to check with Be The Match and Red Cross to make sure they can work together since they want to do them on the same day.

These are just two more things that I can add to my list. The list is long. (Did I mention I found homes for 7 cats within just a few weeks?) If you need something done, I can do it.

Is there a market for people that can make things happen? Because I feel as though it's my calling...

#26

2010-11-24T05:12:00.000-08:00

Have you ever thought about giving up on life? If so, when and why?

Seriously giving up on my life? No. In a depressed "I hate how things are going right now and I don't see it ever getting better" sort of way that I knew I wouldn't actually give up on life, but it crossed my mind...sure.

When? It was in a very bad, dark time of my life that I don't like to recall much.

Why? Like I said...things were really crappy and I couldn't imagine them ever getting better. I was lonely. I had no friends. I had no way of meeting new friends.

So, what turned it all around? I snapped back to reality. I realised that things could get better and that with some time and effort they would. And they did. I do attribute a lot of the getting out of my black hole to my friend, Darrel. He'd just gotten back from Scotland (where he did YWAM for 6 months) and he kind of helped me get back on my feet. He introduced me to new people, took me to the church he'd been going to (which really helped me meet more people), and basically just showed me that I was someone that people wanted to be around. And that's all I really needed to know, I guess. That people would want to hang out with me. I gained confidence and made friends.

#25

2010-11-23T05:32:00.000-08:00

The reason you believe you’re still alive today.

I don't know that I have any huge, specific reason I'm still alive today. I think that I'm supposed to still be here because I have a husband and a daughter and I need to be here with them. Isn't that a good enough reason? I think so...

#24

2010-11-22T08:27:00.000-08:00

Make a playlist to someone, and explain why you chose all the songs.

I can't exactly make a playlist for any one person in particular. That's too hard. So, I'll just list my favorite songs in a few different categories. Videos are included in case you want to take a listen...

Please excuse the fact that some of these have ads at the beginning of the video.

INDY-ish stuff. You won't hear these on the radio.

Bright Eyes - Landlocked Blues

Rufus Wainwright - April Fools

Feist - The Park

Tilly and the Wall - Lost Girls

Maria Taylor - Clean Getaway

Death Cab for Cutie - Someday You Will Be Loved

Margot and the Nuclear So and So's - Skeleton Key

Here are a few radio hits. How can you not love these?:

Willow Smith - Whip My Hair

Kesha - Tik Tok

Waka Flocka Flame - No Hands
(Yes, I'm aware this is kind of a nasty song, but it seriously gets stuck in my head every time I hear it. And, well, it makes me laugh.)

I do like some classics too, but I won't make a big list of those. A couple of my favorites are Queen - Bohemian Rhapsody and Billy Joel - Piano Man.

#23

2010-11-19T06:41:00.000-08:00

Something you wish you had done in your life.

I'm changing this one...because I feel like I've answered (or sort of answered) this previously.

So, my new question is "What is something you're glad you did in your life?"

I am SO glad that I lived by myself for a year. I was completely alone in my own 1 bedroom apartment. And it was awesome. Had David G. not come along...I would have done it more than a year. But instead, we moved into the cutest little house in Grant Park, which we named "The Pickle." The year I lived at The Pickle was probably the most fun I've ever had. No, not probably. Definitely. It was, by far, the best year of my "single girl" life. Out all hours of the night, brunch the next morning out on the Dakota Blue sidewalk, living in the heart of Atlanta, friends living just around the corner. It really was great.

But anyway... The year I lived alone was so calm and quiet and peaceful. Like the calm before the storm.

#22

2010-11-16T05:46:00.000-08:00

Something you wish you hadn't done in your life.

This one stumped me. That's why it's taken me a few days to write. Well, that and the fact that I'm sick and work is slammed and my house is a mess.

So what is something that I wish I hadn't done in my life?

There's the superficial answer: I wish I hadn't gotten my lip pierced. Why? Because it was VERY painful and got infected a lot. Basically, not worth it. But hey, I took it out and that was that. No big deal.

Then there's the slightly less superficial answer: I wish I hadn't wasted so much time on certain guys that I knew weren't good for me. This is one of those things that hindsight is 20/20 though. So, maybe I didn't realize at the time that I was wasting time. But you know what I'm saying.

So, both things are answers to the question, but not very good ones. I can't think of anything that I wish I REALLLLLLY hadn't done in my life. At least something that I don't mind blogging about openly. Yes, surprise surprise...there are a few things I'd rather keep private.

#21

2010-11-15T04:53:00.000-08:00

Your best friend is in a car accident and you two got into a fight an hour before. What do you do?

Well, let me just say this first....I've been BFF with Kelli for years now. I'm thinking, like, 5 years? I can't remember exactly. Anyway...we've never fought. Never. Not once. So, this scenario just wouldn't happen.

But, let's just say it did. Let's say that we had a fight and then she got into a car accident. What do I do? I do exactly what I would do if we hadn't just gotten in a fight. Because it would be ridiculous not to.

This was a very silly question.

#20

2010-11-12T05:09:00.000-08:00

Your views on drugs and alcohol.

My view on drugs is that they're illegal. Well, the illegal drugs are illegal. The ones that aren't illegal are prescription or OTC and should be used for what they're intended. I know many people that are pot smokers. To them I say, "Whatever." I just don't want to be caught riding in the car with them when they're using or holding. No, thanks.

As far as alcohol goes, I like it. In moderation. I used to party with the best of them, but I just can't do that anymore. I hate being sick the next day (or later that night) and it's just not worth the immediate drunken feeling. Plus, drunk people often act like dummies. They say things they don't mean and do things they wouldn't normally do. While it's all very entertaining for the sober folks, I don't really enjoy acting a fool in front of crowds of people. So, I'll stay (mostly) sober. The occasional tipsy night is definitely still in my life, as I am still in my 20's and am entitled (yes, entitled), but only when Martha is sleeping over at Granna and Pop's and only when the person driving me home is sober or I have enough time to sober up before it's time to drive.

#19

2010-11-11T05:04:00.000-08:00

What do you think of religion? Or what do you think of politics?

I don't really know how to start with this one. What do I think of religion? Um...I'm for it? Ha ha. I don't really know what to say. And what do I think of politics? Well, ok. I'm a Christian and I'm not really sure where I stand with politics. I'm sort of Republican, sort of a mix of things. Honestly, I've never voted. I'm not entirely sure if I ever will. I think I'd need to become more involved to do that. So, there's that.

#18

2010-11-10T05:17:00.000-08:00

What are your views on gay marriage?

Here's the thing... Although biblically homosexuality is wrong, I am not put here to judge. Love is love. If a man loves another man, who am I to say that they should not be allowed to be legally married? Could they live a happy life together, be really great people, even have a wonderful family? Absolutely. So why would I say that it shouldn't be allowed? Obviously, anyone could come back with all the scripture and blah blah blah and start a whole bunch of hoopla about it, but that's not what I'm about. If a woman and another woman love each other and want to get hitched, I say go for it. Those are MY views on gay marriage. You may or may not agree with them, but that was the question so I answered it.

#17

2010-11-09T04:27:00.000-08:00

A book you’ve read that changed your views on something.

There is a book called Captivating. It's by Jon and Stasi Eldredge. Jon Eldredge also wrote a book called Wild at Heart (which is basically the men's version of Captivating.)

Here's the description of the book:

Every little girl has dreams of being swept up into a great adventure, of being the beautiful princess. Sadly, when women grow up, they are often swept up into a life filled merely with duty and demands. Many Christian women are tired, struggling under the weight of the pressure to be a "good servant," a nurturing caregiver, or a capable home manager.

What Wild at Heart did for men, Captivating is doing for women. Setting their hearts free. This groundbreaking book shows readers the glorious design of women before the fall, describes how the feminine heart can be restored, and casts a vision for the power, freedom, and beauty of a woman released to be all she was meant to be. By revealing the core desires every woman shares-to be romanced, to play an irreplaceable role in a grand adventure, and to unveil beauty-John and Stasi Eldredge invite women to recover their feminine hearts, created in the image of an intimate and passionate God. Further, they encourage men to discover the secret of a woman's soul and to delight in the beauty and strength women were created to offer.

Ok, so I don't normally read "Christian" books. I usually get bored with them and feel like I've heard a million sermons that sound like the book and I never get anything out of it. I'm not sure if it was the time of my life that I was in or the fact that this is actually a REALLY good book, but it seriously made me do a 180 on how I was feeling when I read this book. I let a friend borrow my copy a while back. I don't think she liked it. So, maybe it was just me and what I needed to hear at that time.

Anyway, here are a few quotes from the book that I particularly enjoyed:

"Fallen Eve controls her relationships. She refuses to be vulnerable. And if she cannot secure her relationships, then she kills her heart's longing for intimacy so that she will be safe and in control."

"A woman is a warrior too. But she is meant to be a warrior in a uniquely feminine way. Sometime before the sorrows of life did their best to kill it in us, most young women wanted to be a part of something grand, something important."

#16

2010-11-08T05:21:00.000-08:00

Someone or something you definitely could live without.

Man, I could really live without hockey. I know Chris enjoys playing and watching hockey, but I really kind of hate it. It's always on at our house and I am sooooo tired of it.

This was a very superficial blog, mainly because I have a headache and I should be doing other things right now.

#15

2010-11-05T05:24:00.000-07:00

Something or someone you couldn’t live without.

If we're being practical here, I'd say that I couldn't live without my car. I could live without my iPhone, but I would get pretty frustrated. And then there's TV. What in the world would I do without TV?! I've written before about how it's my hobby. One time, Chris thought it'd be a good idea to tell me that we should have less TV time and we should sit around and read while listening to music sometimes. There are 2 problems with this: 1) I can't read and listen to music at the same time. I can't focus on what I'm reading if there is noise. 2) I'd rather watch TV.

That's not to say that I don't read. I actually enjoy reading when I'm in the mood. I even have a book on my Christmas list this year. I just don't want to decrease my TV time to read.

I'm pretty sure that makes me sound like I should be some kind of idiot, but I assure you that I am not. I think it's unfair that watching TV has been turned into a bad thing.

#14

2010-11-03T05:02:00.000-07:00

A hero that has let you down.

This one sucks too. I don't have a "hero" and am pretty sure that I've never really had a "hero." Plus, if I ever did, wouldn't I know not to put anyone up on a pedestal? No one is perfect. So if I looked at someone as if they were a hero, of course they're going to let me down at some point.

I saw a counselor once many years ago. In telling her some history about myself I mentioned that my parents had almost gotten divorced when I was 12, but worked it out and they're still together. She said something to the effect of how something like that could significantly effect a 12 year old girl and that when we all get a little older we realize that our parents are people too. That they aren't perfect and they make mistakes just like anyone does. I guess it's weird for some people to realize that? I'm pretty sure I figured out that my parents are people too when all that stuff happened. Or maybe I was just 12 years old and thought that it wasn't all that unusual for someone to have divorced parents. Honestly, I don't really remember what I thought. All I know is that when the counselor told me that parents make mistakes too, I just thought "Yeah, I know." Like, "Of course they do. Why would I expect them to be perfect?"

#13

2010-11-02T04:26:00.000-07:00

A band or artist that has gotten you through some tough days.

I think anyone that knows me can answer this question. Without a doubt, Conor Oberst (of Bright Eyes, Conor Oberst and the Mystic Valley Band, Monsters of Folk, and others...) got me through my "oh I'm so heartbroken and lonely and emo" years. My love for his music didn't stop after the phase stopped though. I have some of his lyrics tattooed on my ankles ("No Lies" and "Just Love"). I've yet to be disappointed with an album he's put out. In my opinion, his lyrics are what makes him so great. But anyway...some people says he sings like a goat.

I'll never forget the night that I met him at a house party after one of his shows in Athens. It must have been sometime in 2002. My friend Danielle and I were standing outside of the bathroom and he walked up. We talked for a few minutes. Then later on Danielle sat next to him on the floor and took a drink of his Red Stripe beer. She apparently had a little too much beer that night and I ended up driving us home. It was seriously in my top 5 best days of my life so far. If I ever get to meet Randy Travis, that will certainly be in the top 5 too.

#12

2010-11-01T04:32:00.000-07:00

Something you never get compliments on.

Alright, I don't like this one. This is basically asking me "What is something that you looooove about yourself that you don't think you get credit for?" and I just think that's a lame question to ask.

So, I'm going to skip this question and post a super cute picture of Martha and Chris sleeping and a monkey holding a kitten. You really can't go wrong with that.

#11

2010-10-29T04:27:00.000-07:00

Something people seem to compliment you the most on.

Well, Chris complements me the most. And he apparently likes my booty. And the fact that my skin is always cool. (Like, cold.)

That's all I got.

#10

2010-10-28T04:34:00.000-07:00

Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn’t know.

I have an ex that I only dated briefly. Like, 2 months. And I do call him an "ex" rather than a "guy I dated" because in those 2 months we saw each other constantly. It was basically a full blown relationship from our second date. I feel like saying that makes me looking like a psycho girl. It's the honest to God truth though. It was one of those relationships that just happens fast. You rush in and you rush out.

Anyway, he's not someone I need to let go. That happened a long time ago. He's the person I wish I didn't know. I'd say about 99% of the time you can at least take one good thing out of a failed relationship. Perhaps you learned something about yourself or saw a quality in the person that you now realize is something that you should stay away from in future relationships. Well, I got absolutely nothing out of that relationship. Everyone told me from the get-go that he wasn't someone I needed to be with. Close friends didn't like him. I just got sucked in though. After being dumped, it was REALLY hard to get over it. It wasn't for a long time that I saw that everything with him was a test. He was consistently testing me to see what I would do or what I would say in certain situations. I've run into him several times over the years and I hate it every time. It always leaves me with a terrible feeling.

So yeah, I wish I never knew him. I took absolutely nothing from that relationship. I didn't learn a thing and all it did was make me feel bad. I certainly could have lived without those 2 months.

#9

2010-10-27T04:46:00.000-07:00

Someone you didn’t want to let go, but just drifted.

I've basically drifted from most of my friends. Honestly, I'm only still close with a small handfull of people that I used to be very close with. Like, 5 of them. This goes along with one of my previous posts about how life changes when you move to the suburbs, get married, and have a baby. At this point, I'm just waiting for everyone else to catch up. Most of the people that I used to see like 5 times a week are at a very different place in their lives. So, I'll just chill until they get married and have babies. Then maybe they'll be interested in hanging out with me again. I guess I'm just a boring ol' wife and mom to most of them right now. I think it's hard for some people to understand not wanting to go out all the time. But that's cool. To each his own. I'll just...wait.

I will mention though that my best friend through part of high school and I drifted apart, but reconnected later on. We still don't see each other a ton, but we talk as often as we like and we do have that connection of having a big girl job, a family, and not living in center of the Atlanta action. And we still have that history and get to talk about things that happened a long time ago. So that's nice.

#8

2010-10-26T05:00:00.000-07:00

Someone who made your life hell, or treated you like crap.

See #4.

#7

2010-10-22T07:00:00.000-07:00

Someone who has made your life worth living for.

I believe that you have to live your life for yourself. So yeah, I don't think there is anyone that has made my life worth living for. Well, that's what I thought until I had Martha. She has made my life a million times more fulfilled/fulfilling. That's not to say I wasn't happy before she came along. That's not the case at all. I was totally happy before her. But having her here now has absolutely made my life worth living in the best way that I can. If nothing else, than for her.

I never understood how a woman pregnant with her second child could be worried that she couldn't love her new baby as much as her first baby, but I totally get it now.

The abundance of love that I have for Martha seems to me that it could not be matched. Of course, whenever I have more kids I'm sure I will love them just as much. It really just is hard to comprehend how it's possible.

And I know this may sound snotty, but I really don't think people without children can understand this level of love. I'm not saying I'm better than someone that doesn't have a child. I'm just saying that it really is incomprehendable until you actually have a child.

#6

2010-10-21T05:37:00.000-07:00

I'm not a quitter like some people, so I'm continuing with my days of truth.

Something you hope you never have to do.

There are things upon things upon things that I hope I never have to do. To pick one thing specifically, I think I'd chose that I hope I never have to lose Chris or a child. Really, I must die first. Although I know it'd be much harder for Chris to live without me than for me to live without Chris, I'd still like to be able to look down on him and wait for him in Heaven than the other way around. That's selfish probably. But really, the losing a child thing - I couldn't handle it. No way. Not gonna happen. I literally don't think my body would be able to endure the pain. It's painful to even think about, which in my totally messed up and morbid mind, I do think about it. I don't know why I do that to myself.

#5

2010-10-18T05:51:00.001-07:00

Something you hope to do in your life.

How can I pick just one thing that I hope to do in my life? Well I can tell you this...I used to want to go out of the country. Vacation in Europe somewhere. But honestly, I think I only wanted to do that because your supposed to want to do that. I'm cool with staying in the US for the rest of my life. Sure, it might be kinda cool to see how people in other countries live, but it's not really on the top of my list of things that I'd like to do someday.

So, what do I hope to do in my life? I'd like to have another kid or two or three. I hope to move up in my company to earn more for my family. It'd be nice to not live mostly paycheck to paycheck.

But I'm pretty sure the question is implying that I am to name one specific thing I'd like to do in my lifetime that would be a one-time sort of deal. So, my answer is to sky dive. I always wanted to sky dive, but I never did it before I had Martha and now I'm too scared to do it because it's dangerous and I don't want to leave my daughter without a mom. Ok, so the thought of it is dangerous, but I'm curious to know how dangerous it actually is. Probably not super dangerous. So maybe when she's older I'll do it.

#4

2010-10-15T08:51:00.000-07:00

Something you have to forgive someone for.

Ooooooooo, see, this isn't something I feel that I can fully answer like most people can answer because I can't bring myself to forgive someone unless they want forgiveness. There are lots of things that ex's have done that I feel they should ask forgiveness for, but they haven't. If they came and asked, sure, I'd forgive them. But they're not and I doubt they ever will. Well, except for one. One of them apologized for being a butthead, but really I didn't even think he needed to apologize, but I guess that was nice of him to do anyway. That's how I feel about this.

So, if one of my ex's wanted to apologize to me for inviting an out-of-town friend over to my parents house (where we both lived at the time) and then ditching him to go hang out with another girl (because we had already broken up), then thinking there was nothing wrong with the fact that I had to entertain this dude that I didn't even know while he was out on a date, then I'd forgive him. But, he hasn't asked, so I won't. I'm sure me cornering him once he got home while screaming and almost physically assaulting him and then telling him that he needed to move out the next day got my point across that I was angry though. And, yes, he moved out the next day.

If another one of my ex's wanted to apologize for cheating on me with a girl from Nashville, among basically every other single thing that happend while we were together, I'd probably forgive him, but he hasn't, so I won't.

#3

2010-10-14T08:50:00.001-07:00

Something you have to forgive yourself for.

This is a tough one. Mainly because I really don't feel like there's anything I need to forgive myself for. I'm pretty good at forgiving myself for mistakes I've made. I realize that everyone does stupid stuff in their lives and you recognize that and move on. I guess one thing that I have previously forgiven myself for is being such a brat when I was a teenager. I feel like I'll have some of that coming to me in about 15 years. Lord, help me. No but really...I think maybe like 75% of females are total jerks to people (their families mostly) in their teen years. I was one of them. I understand that it's common though and forgave myself for being such a turd.

#2

2010-10-13T05:15:00.001-07:00

Something you love about yourself.

The "something" that I love about myself is probably the "something" that most people don't like about me. I'm very honest. Maybe sometimes too honest. I don't believe in keeping things secret. I've been very open about my struggles and things I've been through. I really just don't understand what the point is of being soooooo private. I like to think that my openness about things I deal with might help someone understand me better or maybe even help someone that might be going through the same thing. My miscarriage, for example. It's a very personal subject and most people never talk about it if it happens to them. I feel like being open and talking about it helped me understand and deal with it. Now, there are some things that I do keep private, but really only for the sake of anyone else involved. If it's something that only concerns me, then I'm an open book.

#1

2010-10-12T07:18:00.000-07:00

There's this writing prompt thingy going around called 30 Days of Truth. Basically there's a list of 30 things that for 30 days you write about. I've seen that a lot of people are already done or on day 10, at least, but I'm just going to start from the top and take it from there.

Day 1: Something you hate about yourself.

Wow. I guess I'm really just jumping right in here with a tough one from the get-go. Something I hate about myself? I hate that I can't be affectionate. It's not that I can't be affectionate, I just REALLY hate it. It's something that I would literally have to make myself do. It doesn't come naturally. And even if I made myself be affectionate every single day, I don't know that I would ever get used to it. It's like trying to teach yourself to like the taste of beets or something.

What? So because I'm a girl I'm supposed to be mushy and lovey and want to spoon with my husband? That's not me. I can't say that it will ever be me. It's not easy for me, but I really wish it was. When I say "affectionate" though, I mean in a romantic way. Not like be showing affection to Martha. I could do that all day long. That's easy. I've just never been the cuddly type when it came to dudes. Chris hates it. I hate it because Chris hates it. Things would just be a lot easier if I could casually hug and hold hands and kiss as if it were no big deal. So, there's that.

Home

2010-09-29T05:03:00.000-07:00

What happens when you move out of Atlanta to the burbs and are the first of your friends to have a kid?

You stop knowing a lot of people.

When Chris and I lived in Grant Park, we went out all the time. There was a guaranteed hang out every Friday and Saturday night. And then church on Sunday night. Most of the time you go out at least two or three times during the week too. No wonder I knew so many people...

As soon as we left the city though, it all went away. We had to make an effort to go hang out. It wasn't as easy as getting a text saying to meet somewhere in 30 minutes and being able to throw on some clothes and go there. Because we had to make that effort and the drive was considerably longer, we probably only went to Atlanta once a week.

Then we got married which cut that down even more. Then Martha got here and we're lucky if we make it down to Atlanta to hang out once every 3 weeks. And even then, most of the time we have Martha with us, so we aren't staying out late because we need to go home and put her to bed.

I am not complaining at all. I quite enjoy my life in Gwinnett. I don't need to see my friends every day. I still talk to the important ones often. And they're the ones I see when I do make the effort to go out.

I talked with Chris the other night about how a lot of people we know and used to party with are still at that place where they go out a ton and know a ton of people because of that. It's hard to still relate with them sometimes. We're not completely out of the loop, but it's a huge difference. Since we no longer see these people all the time, we don't know everything about them. We don't get invited to some things. We have to play catch up every time we see them.

Also, because we don't really feel like Trinity is our church anymore (I haven't felt at home there in a long time), it's not like we can use Sunday as a good day to go and see people there.

We're looking to find a church that fits us better somewhere in our area. We don't like the mega churches though. That's just weird. We're going to try out some places soon and hopefully we can find somewhere that we like. We're hoping to go on a regular basis when Martha is a little bit older. I'd like fore her to grow up in church like I did.

Anyway. Routine changes when you move, get married, and have a kid. I try to go with the flow and keep the friends that are most important to me close. Everything/everyone else falls away.

And I'm selfishly excited that D&T are having twinsies soon. Finally, friends that will understand what it's like to hang out with a kid in tow!

I work hard for my money.

2010-09-27T12:24:00.001-07:00

I FINALLY got access to the fitness center at work. They have several treadmills, bikes, elliptical machines, weight machines, free weights, medicine balls, and a separate room where they have classes like zumba, pilates, boot camp, yoga, step aerobics, and all kinds of other stuff.

So today was my first day working out on my lunch break. Usually at lunch I eat in 10 minutes and I sit by myself out on the patio for 50 minutes. That's lame. Today I ate at my desk and walked/ran on the treadmill for 50 minutes.

I did a little over 3 miles. Most of that walking. I jogged the last 2 full minutes just to see if I could do it. I could. And I could probably do more, which really surprised me.

I was shocked at the boost of energy I had afterward! I always heard people say that working out gives you energy because your blood is flowing and all that, but I'd never really experienced it until today.

There are 2 things I'll do differently tomorrow.

1. I'll head down there at 1:15 instead of 1:00. At 1:00 the locker room is packed full of the lunch crowd showering and getting ready to go back to work upstairs. Just 15 minutes later and I will probably be the only person in the locker room for both before and after my work out.

2. I'll eat a snack at my desk 2-3 hours before I go work out and then I'll eat a small lunch (maybe just a sandwich and some fruit or something) at my desk after my work out. I read online today that it's WAY better to eat right after working out than before. I never got an explanation why though.

With my walking today I really only burned a little over 200 calories, but I'm really going to step it up tomorrow. More running, less walking.

I'll fit back into my old pants in no time!

5 Months

2010-09-24T04:45:00.000-07:00

She's growing up too faaaaaaaaaaast!

This baby so tiny in her car seat

is now this baby who is wiggling her way out of the bouncy chair.

Make it stop!!!

I'll rejoice and be glad in it?

2010-09-13T08:16:00.001-07:00

I'm having one of those days where nothing is good and nothing can make it better. Well, nothing except for being able to hang out with Martha all day, have tons of money, and not have to work.

Listening to Azure Ray isn't helping.

I've done my bitching email to Kelli and bitching gchat with Chris. I got my "I totally understand" reply from Kelli and my "I'm sorry" reply from Chris. There's just not much else I can do but wish that this day was over and that tomorrow is better.

I just need about $10k a year more, about an hour less commute time to work, and for my day to consist of no stress.

I'm pretty sure that's impossible.

So I guess I'll just try to convince myself to be thankful for what I have. I know things could be a heck of a lot worse, but it still doesn't make me feel any better.

Anyway... Here's a cute picture of Martha.

MAC

2010-08-29T17:37:00.000-07:00

Totally writing this on my new (used) MAC. So far, so good. I'm just getting used to the feel of the keys. It's very different than my old laptop.

The Emmy's are on and it's freaking awesome so far. I love Jimmy Fallon. And I love TV. It's my most favorite hobby. And yes, TV can be a hobby. Some people knit, some people paint, I watch TV.

Tomorrow is my first day in the Alpharetta office. That's all I want to say about that. Ugh.

Martha found her feet today. It's so cute. They're like toys that are always accessible.

Also, she freaking loves the apple flavor rice cereal. She has not been a fan of the regular flavor, so I'm happy apple works for her.