Open Letter

An open letter to the turd that broke into my car:

Dear Turd,

First of all, let me thank you. I appreciate your generosity in letting me keep my wallet, which contains my drivers license and all of my debit/credit cards. I am also grateful that you did not take my CD's, garage door opener, or my $130 car seat that was just purchased a few months ago.

I noticed that you took your time while going through my things. Not only did you open all the zippers in my purse, you also made sure to check my make-up case, my coin purse, and even the tiny zipper inside of my wallet. I'm sorry that I only had $4 in cash. I'm sure you were disappointed.

I do commend you on being thorough. If you were in a hurry, I bet you would not have taken the time to make sure you got all 3 pieces that go to the GPS.

And how brave you are! Rummaging through a car parked in the owners driveway with an outside light shining down on you?! I mean, that takes some guts.

Anyway, I hope you get at least $50 on Craigslist for the GPS that we bought for over $100. Who knows...maybe I'll be the one you're trying to sell it to. And maybe you'll be stupid enough to leave all of the previous addresses searched and "home" location programmed in it.

Sincerely,
Your Pissed Off Neighbor

P.S. I'm coming after you.