No FH.

I love Melissa Beck. As much as someone could ever love someone they don't even know. If you watched The Real World season 1 (New Orleans) you know who I'm talking about. Except she was Melissa Howard back then. She's married to one of the members of Glassjaw now, Justin.

I read her blog, and I've actually emailed with her once before. (I was WAY too excited that she replied to me.) This was back in the day that I was trying to get pregnant and it was taking a lot longer than I'd hoped. She had the same experience and went through all the standard "I can't get pregnant" tests. I had just emailed her to ask about her experiences with all that to know what I'd be looking at having to go through. She wrote back and was very sweet and kind, answered my questions, and gave encouragement. And, of course, was funny as hell in the process.

So, it broke my heart to read a blog she wrote a few days ago. She, like I, had gotten pregnant and lost the baby really early. At 9 weeks to be exact. She went through the D&C like I did. She talked about how she felt like something was wrong with her body that it couldn't make a baby right, just like I had felt. She told her husband that it hadn't even crossed her mind that she could lose the baby, just like it had never crossed my mind that I could lose mine. She explained exactly what she was going through her head every step of the way and it was like I was reading my own story of my experience a few years ago. Her doctors were a lot more compassionate than mine were though. She got hand holding and hugs. I got "these things happen" and hurried out the door because the doctor had other patients to get to. I hated that Doctor. Three years later I can still picture him sitting there trying to be patient, but telling me that he needs to go check on other people so I need to make a decision about getting the D&C. Asshole.

Justin and Melissa went and had sushi after her bad news ultrasound.
Chris and I went and had chinese food after my bad news ultrasound.
Sitting there trying to act like you weren't just told that you aren't pregnant anymore.

I know she probably won't write back this time, but I emailed her again. Told her that the sadness goes away, but it's not something you'll ever forget.