"Cause the chase is all you know and she stopped running months ago." - Death Cab For Cutie

People always say that it’s all about the chase. My last two relationships although almost a year apart, only lasted about 2 months each. I think a contributing factor to this is that the chase was over. They already had me and they knew that therefore the excitement was over. When things started to settle (spending every day together, sleeping over every night, people finally looking at the two of you as a “couple”) that’s when it all starts to fall apart. I’ve had my times when I’ve been the one to get out (and get out FAST) when the excitement was over, but that was years ago. You think that people would grow up, right? Apparently not.

Another thing I’ve noticed about my past two relationships…they were with people that I would never end up marrying. Well, I wouldn’t say NEVER, but I’d say that I should have been aware from the beginning that there was a good 85% chance that they weren’t right for me. If I wasn’t in the excitement stage that comes with the beginning of every new relationship I would have recognized this. Would I have decided not to date them? Probably not. They are good people and I had a good time with them. But I probably wouldn’t have believed the first guy when he said that he was going to spend the rest of this life with me. And I probably wouldn’t have believed the second guy when he said that…well…when he said a lot of stuff which led me to believe that we’d be together for a long time. Or at least longer than two months.

So there’s a definite pattern here…I jump into things head first and pretty much lay my heart out on the line. So far that hasn’t been working for me so there should be some sort of change in order, right? Right. Maybe I shouldn’t get so involved so fast. Slow and steady wins the race. That’s what the tortoise taught us. I know this is the probably the safe way to go. But since when did I ever take the safe route?

Call me crazy (and soon I’m sure you’ll be calling me heartbroken again) but dipping my toe in the water just isn’t my style and it never will be.

I'd rather feel more alive than ever even for two months than to feel nothing at all.