Confessions

It’s so cliché when you’re single (or available...however you want to say it) to go on and on about how awesome your friends are and blah blah blah when most of the time all you want is someone just like everyone else that’s around you. I’m sure some people actually mean it and I’ve been known to say it occasionally too, but I find that most of the time I’m selfish and it’s not so much that I’m glad that I have my friends around because they’re so awesome (even though they really are), it’s more that I’m glad that some of them are alone just like me. It’s horrible and selfish and I shouldn’t wish loneliness on anyone. But it just makes me feel good to know that I’m not the only one.

Since I’m in the confession mood today I’ll go ahead and add another...

I’m incredibly jealous of the people I know that make it look so easy to be open about their relationship with God. I’m open about it, but I’m open about not knowing where I stand. I’m envious of the people that seem to have their shit together (as much as one ever can really have their shit together) and make it seem so easy to do “Christ-like” things. I’ve never been able to bring myself to ask someone to go to church with me. Or ask someone to pray for me. Or tell anyone how I do know that God is real, but I just don’t know how I know that. Some people just ooze Godliness and I hate that I don’t. Maybe someday I’ll be at that point. Or maybe I’ll struggle with being a beacon of light for the rest of my life. I can't believe I just said "beacon of light."

What other confessions do I have for today?
I don’t really like Elliott Smith. I think his voice sucks.