Heartless.

Worst. Birthday. Ever.

Even the massage my Mom took me to get today could not relax me enough. I cried most of the day, Chris could not console me, I was basically having a panic attack. Chris said he could hear me crying when I was taking a shower. That sounds so lame, but I felt like I'd just been dumped.

I know it's not that huge of a deal....losing my job like I did. I just felt so betrayed. And the family I've worked for since December made the whole thing out to seem like it was my fault. They did not care that I was given no notice of losing the last month of work I'd expected even though I gave them 2 months notice of me leaving. They said "We wouldn't be in this position if you weren't leaving us." Playing the blame game.

My monetary funds are ok. I have enough saved to pay my bills for the next month and a half or so without needing to borrow any from my parents at all. But now I have no money left for spray tans, a pedicure before my wedding, and other random pampering things I'd planned to do to prepare myself for the most important day of my life. I will not have pretty, waxed, tanned legs on my honeymoon. I will have to give myself my own ghetto, home pedicure. I say I won't have these things, but I know I will. My Mom will pay for them. She's offered. She's actually insisted. She is the complete opposite of the people that just dumped me. I know I won't let her pay for these things. I'm using up enough of her resources living in her house, eating her food, using her utilities. I'll find a way to make money to do them. I'm resourceful. And I still have at least one week of pet sitting that I will be paid for.

Normally, something like this wouldn't have been so upsetting. I would have just called them assholes to all of my friends for a few days and been on my merry way to find another job. But this time it's just different. I've got all the wedding stress built up. Add algebra studying on top of that so I can do well on the COMPASS exam. And then just the plain ol' fact that I had ZERO warning. When I woke up this morning I thought to myself that I should enjoy this week with Landon because I will miss him a lot. Then all the sudden it's all taken away from me with no warning. These people, the parents of sweet baby Landon, who have employed me since December, known everything about my life, just dropped me like a bad habit. They know I'm getting married in a month. They were even coming to the gotdamned wedding! I'm assuming since things did not end well that they will no longer be attending.

My Mom asked me tonight if I was going to go see Landon one last time. I told her no. I want to see Landon, but not his parents. This innocent boy will grow up to be a self-centered person because his family knows no other way.

I am a bitter, bitter person today. And I most likely will be for a while. People, in general, continue to fail me. They prove me on an almost daily basis that I cannot trust them, count on them, or think they are capable of being considerate human beings. I've tried so hard to do the right thing my whole life. To treat people how I would want to be treated. I think everyone should do the same. It seems simple enough to me.