Shaunna Faye

Tuesday, February 18, 2014

3 Hearts

I have two kids, so I have exposed hearts that aren't my own that are tender and breakable and even saying those words make me want to cry.

Martha's at the age now (almost 4) where she's having real, back and forth conversations with kids at school that actually mean something. She told me the other day that Joshua was her friend because he said he was but that Kaleah wasn't her friend. I asked her why Kaleah wasn't her friend and she said it's because she said she wasn't and that she asked Kaleah if she wanted to come over to her house and she said no. I also recall her telling me another time that Kaleah told her that her room wasn't pretty because it's yellow. This is my baby. My beautiful, cheerful, full of life, nice to everyone, baby. And another kid her age doesn't want to be her friend. She's mentioned the Kaleah thing a few times, so I know it stands out in her mind more than other stuff, which makes it even more heart breaking for me. When a 4 year old tells another 4 year old that she's not her friend and that her room isn't pretty, it hurts. If you don't have kids that sentence might seem silly to you. Before I had kids I might have thought "Well, they'll get over it." But this is my child. My very own flesh and blood that is PART OF ME. In my mind, everyone should want to be friends with her. She is so sweet and loves her friends so much and it makes no sense why another little girl would say that to her.

But I did what any Mom would do and told her that it's ok if Kaleah doesn't want to be friends. That you don't have to be friends with everyone and she should still be nice to Kaleah and maybe just play with Joshua instead. (High five, Joshua! I've always liked you.) But on the inside I was saying to myself "Man, screw that kid." But I know how life works. I'm around people at work every day and I'm not friends with everyone. But as an adult, I know how to be pleasant and hold my tongue when I need to. Skills that 4 year olds don't have yet. So I just keep telling myself that.

I look into the future and see Martha growing up and putting her heart on the line trying to make new friends. As much as she talks, she will no doubt succeed. But then some of those friends might not always be nice. And maybe some other kids just won't like her for whatever reason. And I think I just need to start preparing myself for the heartaches that she will go through and hope I will know what to say to her, or if I should even say anything at all sometimes. Her precious, tender heart will be broken at times and I'm not ready for that. I don't think I ever will be.