Oh the times...

It's difficult dealing with friend changes. Peoples priorities changes over time and I think marriage has shifted me into a whole new....I don't even know how to put it....position? place? area? Maybe it's not even marriage that did it. Maybe I'm just (dare I say it) growing up.

I've come to grips with being a "second string" friend with certain people lately. Should that even be an option? To be someone's second choice? I know I'm not a bad person to hang out with. I know I have fun when I go out with friends, and it seems that they have fun too, but when I'm stacked up against the Cool Kids and the Trinity Boys, I don't have a chance.

It's hard to just let them go instead of get angry. Most of the time I want to just ask them why I'm being pushed to the back burner for "other" or rather "better" plans and people. But I already know the answer. So I've learned that I can just forget about saying anything because it will make no difference. Anyone that's being told that they're making someone else feel like they don't matter will always be defensive.

So what's the solution to this So Over It situation? Well, nothing. I'll probably branch out a little bit. Start hanging out with old friends that I haven't had much time for. Probably make a few new ones. Most likely will hang out with my family a whole lot. Speaking of my family....I'm glad we're all growing. Producing babies, getting married, etc. I love big families and I plan on doing my part with at least 3 kids. Hopefully 4 if I can afford it.

Anyway, I'm not as Spit On Your Face pissed off as I was last night about the whole situation, but mainly because I've dealt with this exact same situation before with the exact same people. I've officially thrown in the towel and I'm moving on.

Get rich quick!

I'm scheming up new ways to get me out and living like a normal married person should be ASAP. So far, I've got nothing.

I've done the Excel spreadsheet of our budget and we're aggressively paying off debt, but that still doesn't get us out of the deep end until April.

I considered picking up a part-time job on top of my full-time job, but quickly dismissed the idea when I remembered that I'll be in school every Tuesday and Thursday evening after work starting in 2 weeks or so. Dang it.

I guess I'll just keep playing the lottery and keeping my fingers crossed.

Time Warp

What is going on with my life right now? I’m in a constant state of boredom. I’m bored with work, school, everything. Day to day life for me right now feels like watching paint dry. Wake up, go to work, go home, do homework, watch tv, go to bed. Repeat the next day. And the day after. And the day after, etc.

I say all this like there’s supposed to be something else going on. I don’t know what I expect to be happening.

And then there’s the whole living with my parents thing. I’m a grown ass woman. A married, grown ass woman. I don’t want to be, nor do I enjoy living with my parents. Almost every single night when I’m laying in bed I bug Chris about this. There’s nothing we can do right now. Our financial state forces us to stay put until a few things are paid off. Then we’ll be able to afford a very average 2 bedroom apartment. I say 2 bedrooms because I’m hoping to have the baby thing happening soon. Then there’s that….the baby thing.

Why was it that when we weren’t trying to get pregnant, we did. And now we’ve been trying for 3 months and so many problems have come up. I know 3 months doesn’t seem like a long time to people that try for years and have no results like my brother and his wife. Just think about my situation though…..there was a completely unplanned, accidental pregnancy that happened before. So why is getting pregnant on purpose soooooooo hard?

Can I just skip all the bullshit and get right to being a normal, married, responsible person?

All I need for this to happen is about $5,500.

Someone, for the love of God, give me $5,500 so I can stop being a waste of space.

Babies

My best friend from high school (who I introduced to her husband) gave birth to her first child yesterday! Baby girl Grayson (Gracie) Rose Shari was born a little bit after noon on the 6th. She's 5 pounds and 8 ounces. So tiny!

I got to see her yesterday evening. Chris was too nervous to hold a baby that wasn't even a day old. She's beautiful! I look forward to seeing her grow up.