Georgia Dirt

I thought I was going to beat Daniel to the punch in posting front yard pictures, but he got to it this morning before I did. And I must say...his looks at least 10x worse than ours.

Either way, we're both putting out grass seed this week before it rains this weekend.

Here is our front yard after it was dug up and the holes filled back in:





Now, take that and make it much worse and on a grander scale with the holes not filled in and that's what Daniel's front yard looks like. Yowza!

But, it's like he said...it's all fixed now. So, we can all flush our toilets and take showers without it coming back up anywhere else in the house.

Am I being punked?

I should be looking around for hidden cameras and Ashton Kutcher to jump out and tell me I'm being punked.

I swear, it's one thing after another with this dang house. Add to the list of broken things: Air conditioner!

Lord knows in this Georgia heat you can't go without AC, so we're using my bonus money I'm getting on Friday to get it fixed (along with the dishwasher and garbage disposal).

Things are definitely coming along though with the exception of everything breaking. One day, maybe, there won't be anything broken in the house....even if it's just for one day.

Saturday is yard work day. I got some grass seed today. We have to re-build our front yard after it was gutted to fix the sewer line.

Finals are soon. English will be a breeze. Just have to go in and write an essay on whatever topic, in whatever style they give me. I'm currently making flashcards for Medical Terminology. This one might kick my butt, but I'm also going to a 4 hour review session on Saturday to help out.

But, right now, I'm enjoying some sweet tea while I watch American Idol.

P.S. The animal shelter is the saddest place on earth. I've been twice this week and I've wanted to take home a dog both times. I'm practicing restraint though. One of the kittens there will be mine on Saturday though. Yessssss.

Things I'd rather forget.

I had part of my past handed to me in tangible form on Sunday night. Emails and blog posts that my parents printed out from way back when. My Mom had forgotten about them for years and ran across them when she was looking for something in the hope chest in her bedroom. She asked if I wanted to look at them. I said no. But then said yes. I'm not really sure why.

That was a mistake.

I'd put that part of my life WAY behind me, where it belongs. At first I thought it'd be funny to read all that stuff. After all, my family makes jokes about those 2 lost years of my life all the time. So just for kicks I started flipping through the pages. Horrible. Memories of a time I'd rather not think about came flooding back. I'd suppressed everything that happened back then and I'd already gotten to the point where I had almost forgotten those 2 years ever even existed.

I read through them and Chris read a few that I allowed him to. (Some were too bad for him to read.) While we sat there on my parents couch he said, "God, you were so weak." I said, "I was a different person back then."

Brent wanted to burn the entire folder of pages out in the burn barrel while it was snowing outside, but I just wanted them gone, and now. So in the trash can they went. Out of sight, and into the remnants of the chili scraps that Cyndi was making for dinner.

I didn't think anything more of it the rest of the night until I got home and was laying in bed. Chris was sleeping next to me and I just couldn't get that disgusting feeling out of the pit of my stomach. I felt so ashamed at who I was back then. I let someone treat me like I was worthless. I took everything he said as the truth, turned against my family, and never showed regret. I prayed for the first time in months that night. It sounds terrible to admit, but I don't pray much. I asked God to forgive me for every stupid thing I did back then and to help me not feel ashamed and embarrassed for taking so much verbal and emotional abuse. I wish I could say that I didn't know any better, but I did. I had family and friends telling me every single day that it wasn't the way things were supposed to be. I don't know how or why, but nothing anyone else ever said to me mattered. He was the only one I would listen to.

I don't really know what the people that knew me then thought through that whole thing. I probably don't want to know. It'll only make me feel worse than I already do. Mostly my Mom. I said horrible things to her and completely shut her out. She tried so hard to talk to me and I wouldn't even give her a chance. Ok, I have to stop thinking about it or I'm just going to get upset.

I'm trying to put these feelings behind me. This was, after all, 8 years ago. It's been almost 4 days now and I just can't shake this feeling. I guess at least now I can understand why my parents love Chris so much. He's the exact opposite of everything this other guy was. Had this guy not broken up with me, I'm not sure how long it would have taken me to get the guts to end it with him. And I'm thankful that even after he wanted me back, I stood my ground. A lot of that had to do with Daryl though. He came back from Scotland just in time to help me through all that stuff and introduce me to a few people (Melanie and Rhett). That's how I started making friends again (because I'd been alienated from them for those 2 years) and basically how I am friends with anyone that I'm friends with today.

I guess it's just something that in another 8 years will be pushed so far back in my memories that I'll forget it ever happened again. I really can't wait for that day.

There goes our plan....right down the toilet...

....and through our new sewage line that costs an arm and a leg.

I won't go into detail about the horrible event that happened with our house this weekend. But if you're interested in knowing, you can visit Daniel's blog here:

http://danieldorris.blogspot.com

What I will say about it is that the plans that Chris and I had for paying off debt with our tax refund is gone. And now we've had to add more debt to the pile. It makes my stomach hurt just thinking about it.

So far, I haven't gotten to enjoy my home. We've had to sleep in the guest room both nights, now our dishwasher is acting up, and I just can't get the knot out of my stomach because I'm constantly thinking about this GINORMOUS amount of money that we just had to borrow from my Dad so we're able to flush the toilet and take showers.

To make myself feel better, I'm going to list good things that have happened. Maybe as time goes by, boxes are unpacked, cable is hooked up, and I'm able to sleep in my own bed, the knot will get smaller and smaller.

Ok, good things:

1. The cable and internet are getting hooked up tomorrow.
2. The couch is being delivered tomorrow.
3. I'm finally caught up with school, so that's not stressing me out.
4. There's only two of us using dishes, so even though the dishwasher is jacked up, there aren't many dishes to wash by hand.
5. We don't have money to buy a washer and dryer anymore, but we do have a free place to go and do laundry when we need to.
6. We don't have money to buy a desk for me to do school work on anymore, but I have a kitchen table that I can use.
7. It didn't rain while we were moving. It was a bit wet, but nothing got damp or damaged.
8. I didn't have to scrape ice and snow off of my windshield this morning because I'm lucky enough to have a garage to park in.
9. The plumbing fiasco happened BEFORE we got our tax refund and spent it all. So instead of owing my Dad $6900, now we really only owe him $3400.
10. I own a house. Even though terrible things have happened that have put Chris and I back into debt, we still have this entire house to ourselves. And for that, I'm thankful.


I know this will all pass, and this wasn't the absolute worst thing to happen. It just sucks that Chris and I are set back again. So now we'll just alter our plans and work it out.