Put on whatever makes you attractive. Do it for the sake of fashion.

Chris and I got our engagement pictures made today. Kyle, a good friend and great photographer took them and is also shooting the wedding. He's such a champ. I'll post them on myspace once I get them on Monday.

This week is completely full of wedding stuff. Every single day there's something I have to get done. Spray tan, wax, pedicure, buying last minute stuff, getting bridesmaid gifts together, and then add to it that I'm house sitting Thursday until Saturday which is the day of the rehearsal. Luckily I will be out of the house at 7 AM that day so I can go home, take a nap, and then have the rest of the day to get ready for the night's festivities. I'm so lucky to have great bridesmaids that are responsible and know that this sort of stuff is important. I have a sneaking suspicion that some of the groomsmen will be late or won't have something they need. Sue me if I just don't have a whole lot of faith in 21 year old dudes.

I'm beyond exhausted and had the worst leg pains in my life earlier today. I really thought I was going to die. Thank goodness it's starting to rain outside right now so I can get some decent sleep and I know that there will be no hammering at 8:00 AM to wake me up in the morning. (The deck extension is finished!)

Have I ever mentioned how incredibly messed up my dreams are? Last night I dreamt that Chris and 2 other dudes were drugged at a party we were at and were about to get molested until I noticed he'd been gone a while and went and found him. I was totally creeped out when I woke up.

I'm pretty sure that no one reads this still.

I'm also pretty sure that females are far more responsible than males.

Heartless.

Worst. Birthday. Ever.

Even the massage my Mom took me to get today could not relax me enough. I cried most of the day, Chris could not console me, I was basically having a panic attack. Chris said he could hear me crying when I was taking a shower. That sounds so lame, but I felt like I'd just been dumped.

I know it's not that huge of a deal....losing my job like I did. I just felt so betrayed. And the family I've worked for since December made the whole thing out to seem like it was my fault. They did not care that I was given no notice of losing the last month of work I'd expected even though I gave them 2 months notice of me leaving. They said "We wouldn't be in this position if you weren't leaving us." Playing the blame game.

My monetary funds are ok. I have enough saved to pay my bills for the next month and a half or so without needing to borrow any from my parents at all. But now I have no money left for spray tans, a pedicure before my wedding, and other random pampering things I'd planned to do to prepare myself for the most important day of my life. I will not have pretty, waxed, tanned legs on my honeymoon. I will have to give myself my own ghetto, home pedicure. I say I won't have these things, but I know I will. My Mom will pay for them. She's offered. She's actually insisted. She is the complete opposite of the people that just dumped me. I know I won't let her pay for these things. I'm using up enough of her resources living in her house, eating her food, using her utilities. I'll find a way to make money to do them. I'm resourceful. And I still have at least one week of pet sitting that I will be paid for.

Normally, something like this wouldn't have been so upsetting. I would have just called them assholes to all of my friends for a few days and been on my merry way to find another job. But this time it's just different. I've got all the wedding stress built up. Add algebra studying on top of that so I can do well on the COMPASS exam. And then just the plain ol' fact that I had ZERO warning. When I woke up this morning I thought to myself that I should enjoy this week with Landon because I will miss him a lot. Then all the sudden it's all taken away from me with no warning. These people, the parents of sweet baby Landon, who have employed me since December, known everything about my life, just dropped me like a bad habit. They know I'm getting married in a month. They were even coming to the gotdamned wedding! I'm assuming since things did not end well that they will no longer be attending.

My Mom asked me tonight if I was going to go see Landon one last time. I told her no. I want to see Landon, but not his parents. This innocent boy will grow up to be a self-centered person because his family knows no other way.

I am a bitter, bitter person today. And I most likely will be for a while. People, in general, continue to fail me. They prove me on an almost daily basis that I cannot trust them, count on them, or think they are capable of being considerate human beings. I've tried so hard to do the right thing my whole life. To treat people how I would want to be treated. I think everyone should do the same. It seems simple enough to me.

I'm out!

I'm out....of a job! My current employer informed me yesterday that I will actually only have 1 week of work left instead of the 4 weeks I'd planned on. That means I'm out a little over $1000 that I was expecting to have.

I have some money saved up so I'm able to pay bills for a month or so, but that wasn't including all the things I wanted to do for the wedding. Get my legs waxed, finish buying the bridesmaid jewelry, get a spray tan, etc.

I gave her 2 months notice of me leaving. I get 1 week. She doesn't seem to mind too much. Money doesn't seem like it's such a big deal to her. It's kind of a huge deal to people like me that have very little of it.

So anyway, I'm pinching pennies.

As I left the house today to go to my wedding shower I noticed a "Now Hiring" sign at the hotel down the street. I'm going to go drop off a resume while I'm out. If they'll hire me knowing that I need to take a week off for my honeymoon then I'll take it. At least for a few months until I find out what kinda of classes I'll be taking in July.

4 Weeks

A little over 4 weeks and I'll officially be a turner.

I've been brushing up on my math skills this past week in preparation of the COMPASS test. Turns out I'm not as bad as I thought I'd be. All the studying I did for the SAT's is slowly coming back to me. I need to take the test soon so I've gotta be strict with myself and study every day if I can.

Monday is my birthday. I turn 25. There's so much wedding stuff going on between mine and Chris's and David and Tanya's that it's sort of been brushed over and forgotten about. I'll probably have a dinner with my family and maybe hang out one night at Octane with friends, but that's about it. Normally I'm big on birthdays and I'd make it into a big, big deal but this year I'm letting it go. Even if it is my 25th. That's ok though.....I'll make up for it next year.

Landon's been an angel today. Sleeping well, not crying, no fussing. Amazing. I hope he's crawling before I have to stop watching him. I'd love to see that happen. I want to think of something cool to give him before I leave too. Something that he'll be able to keep for a long time. I obviously don't think he'll remember me, but I want to give him something anyway.