I will never lie to you.

A guy I used to know, Matt, had a shirt that said in big letters on the front, "I will never lie to you." I loved that shirt. And for him, it was the truth. He wasn't a liar. About anything.

I read this blog every now and then (http://blog.penelopetrunk.com) and came across an entry where she talks about therapy, growing up, and how her childhood was a secret on top of another secret. She says...

"So what I’m telling you here is that I’m scared of secrets. I’m more scared of keeping things a secret than I am of letting people know that I’m having trouble. People can’t believe how I’m willing to write about my life here. But what I can’t believe is how much better my life could have been if it had not been full of secrets.

So today, when I have a natural instinct to keep something a secret, I think to myself, “Why? Why don’t I want people to know?” Because if I am living an honest life, and my eyes are open, and I’m trying my hardest to be good and kind, then anything I’m doing is fine to tell people.

That’s why I can write about what I write about on this blog.

And when you think you cannot tell someone something about yourself, ask yourself, “Really, why not?”"

Man, I don't think I could have said it better myself. For me, I didn't have a bad childhood (by far), but I did have a relationship filled with lies. His lies to me, in turn, created my lies to other people because I didn't want anyone to know how wrong things had gotten. For over 2 years. Some days I feel like it was tramatic, some days I feel like it was no big deal. I know it wasn't near as horrible as what some women deal with in relationships, but I'm not trying to belittle my experiences either.

Either way, I like what Penelope said. I am living an honest life, and my eyes are open, and I’m trying my hardest to be good and kind. Anything I’m doing is fine to tell people.

Round 2.

Clomid round 2, here I come.

I saw a different Dr. today because mine was super busy. He wants to do another ultrasound next Friday to see if I ovulated. I want to be all "Man, listen. That shit's like $80 a pop. Let's skip it." But I thought doing it this one time to make sure the Clomid is making me ovulate wouldn't be too bad. Not gonna happen again though. I'm not made of money, and the one ultrasound a month is already not fun to shell out money for.

Anyway, I start popping pills today and that goes through Friday. Bring on the headaches and hot flashes.

I'm really tired of going to the Doctor's office.

Nesting

Can I nest before I'm even preggers?

Well, I finally got a bed frame for our guest bed. Thank you, Craigslist. No more mattress on the floor! Instead of setting it up in the guest room and then having to move it into it's new home (guest room/office) in about 10 or 11 months (hoping), I just went ahead and set up our new combo room. Which is basically a guest room with a desk and my craft stuff in which sometimes I do homework in.

So now there's an empty room just waiting to be furnished for a baby. If only my body would get on board. Sometimes I just go in there and look around. Is that weird?

Don't get me started on how it's going to be decorated. Because I already have that shit planned out too.

Too much?

Listen, I'm just not going to be one of those under-prepared pregnant women who don't even have paint up on the wall when they're 38 weeks pregnant and then they give up on having their shit together because they're too huge to care and then they're too busy with a baby afterward and the room is never finished.

I will have a fully decorated, kick ass nursery by 25 to 30 weeks, gauranteed. I will have clothes washed, bag packed, and diapers ready to go.

THIS is how ready I am.

On my side.

Maybe karma is on my side after all... My car only costs $200 to fix. Not $500 like I thought. We're going to pick it up tonight as well as go check out a Hondamatic Chris is looking into buying. I know I'll eat my words saying this, but I'm pretty sure we should have just gotten him his motorcycle when he wanted it last year instead of buying the Vespa. But, the past is the past. We sold the Vespa and now he'll have what he wanted all along. I swear if it ends up sitting in the garage unused like the scooter they'll be heaven to pay.

I'm going to list my Hyundai on Craigslist in a few days when I get it all cleaned up. If I can sell it for what I want, I'll be getting a bigger vehicle soon. No financing crap though. Straight up cash. My goal is to never have to make monthly payments on a car again as long as I live. I'm hoping to find a Jeep, small-ish SUV, or some kind of wagon. Definitely need something with 4 doors. Definitely going to go by Kent's car lot. Hoping he could cut me a little bit of a deal since my brother is married to his daughter. We'll see.

So, Clomid round 2 starts next week. We'll give it another go.

Broken parts.

My body is all "Oh, you want me to ovulate? Nah, I don't feel like it."

Gah!

And then my car breaks costing $500 to fix. Then the lawn mower breaks.

Is karma out to get me?!

So True.

"It is not man's job to convert, convict, or condemn."

My friend, Daniel Bass, posted that recently. So true.

Stupid pine trees.

If it weren't for these:



I could have a beautiful one of these:



So, I'm kinda getting into cacti right now. I'd love to have a nice, cactus/rock garden. It's perfect for the amount of time I currently have to garden, which is almost none. Plus, a lot of the plants I put in this spring have since withered away under the pressure of the Georgia heat. I can't get outside to water them every day and rain isn't the most common thing these days.

The problem with all the pine trees I have in my yard is that they poop pine needles year-round onto EVERYTHING. It's a constant battle between me and those trees. If I were to find the money to buy some cacti and rocks, I'm not even sure that I'd be able to keep the pine poop off of them.

I'll have to do some serious searching around my yard to see if there is one corner/spot that isn't completely littered with needles. We'll see...