Boring.

Man, I've just been in a poopy mood lately. Uncomfortable and just sour. I'm trying to perk up, but I really just want this quarter to be over so I can relax and not think about failing my A&P final. Then there's just a few weeks off and I'm back at school. I will treasure those few weeks though. Oh, I will.

My overnight babysitting is going well. I go to the lady's apartment, go to sleep, check on the baby if she wakes up (she has yet to wake up) and wake up when the mom gets home. She pays me and I leave. I did Friday and Saturday night and now I'm doing tonight and tomorrow night. It's nice to have a little extra cash in my pocket. It helps for when things like the blender breaks. I'll be getting a new one tomorrow.

Boring.

Walking Babies

I just saw a video of a walking 6 month old baby.

That's freaking weird.

School Schmool

I just finished my last math chapter test of the quarter. The only thing left is the final. No biggie.

Now, I have to study for and take 4 more A&P quizzes within the next week, and then I have one more week to complete the final outline and study for the final. NOT GOOD. I've been scraping by in this class and MUST make a 70 on the final to pass the class. Do I know 70% of these 16 chapters? Nope. So, I'll be cramming like you've never even seen before in your whole life. I don't want to re-take this class next quarter. I have better things to do with my time.

A one and a two.

Crazy person speak: Well, it's CD29 which I think will soon be turning into CD1 if these cramps are any indication. And that would be right on schedule. So, just waiting on good old AF and we'll start all over. If for some reason she doesn't show up today or tomorrow I'll test again on Sunday. I am about 99% sure it won't come to that though. That means I'll make another trip to the lovely Dr. on Monday so I can sit in the waiting room for an hour, show someone my lady parts, and get another prescription. Angry face.

Normal speak: Chris is up at lake Hartwell this weekend with some friends. I, of course, was invited but declined. I'd rather stay here, sleep in a huge bed all by myself with Chris nowhere near to push me off or hit me in the face 7 times, get some homework done, and hang out with my friends. Normally weekends are pretty bland, but I'm going to Taqueria tonight with the Gordons, Miss Ross, and Miss Kellz. Tomorrow I have to go register my car and get a tag. I'm sure that will be preceded by or post yard sales. And then there will be much homework to get done. Sunday is laaaaazy day. Wake up, more homework, Chris will get home, we'll probably go see my parents, etc.

I'm considering getting a new shower curtain. Yeah, exciting married stuff.

I'm very tired.

It's all the same!

I've successfully psyched myself out. Pregnancy symptoms and PMS symptoms are all too alike. I won't know anything officially until at least Thursday, but I've been steadily telling myself to ignore all things that are saying there's something other than PMS things going on in my body. It's easier to assume there's nothing and try to forget about it at least until it's time to test.

If I could wish one thing in the world, it would be that God had made one tell tale sign of pregnancy. Like, a buzzer would go off when implantation happened or something. It'd make my life a lot easier right now. Instead, I'm trying to avoid doing the guessing game and calculating what symptoms I'm actually having and which ones my mind is making up. The body is a very tricky thing.

Is it Thursday yet?
I think I should have Chris hide the HPTs from me.

Couple dating.

I never know where I go wrong with people. Someone I've known for at least 6 years now is getting married and I've been left out. No save the date, no shower invitation, nothing. And at first I thought "Ok, I haven't been close with this person for several years so that's understandable" which made me feel better about not being invited to witness their special day, but then I see pictures and hear about other people invited that seem to be in the same boat as me. So, why? Why were Chris and I the ones chosen to have to sit this one out instead of any of these other people? Did we do something? Did we not do something? I still see this person on a fairly regular basis. We speak when we see each other. I'm just so confused. And I'm really trying to not be hurt by it, but it's not easy.

And it doesn't help that I have this want and need to be more involved with married people so I can have someone to relate to. I'm not dissing my current friends; there's just a really huge difference in lifestyle which doesn't make conversation as easy as it used to be.

I'd love to call this person and his fiance up and invite them to go on a double date, but I'm making myself wait until after their wedding as to not make anything weird.

I've asked another couple to hang out too, but got the brush off. And just a few days ago tried again with a different couple, which may or may not actually happen.

Man, rejection hurts.

Realism

I'm wondering if I can try to put my thoughts into words on here without giving off the impression that I'm heartless.

Ok. I'm not mushy. I never have been. I don't stare into Chris's eyes and say "You're perfect." In fact, that sort of thing makes me want to puke. And I'm wondering if I'm really the only female in the whole world that doesn't want to say or hear that stuff.

I've heard stories recently about things that girls do, say, want done, and want said to them from a few friends that are in dating situations. It absolutely makes no sense to me how someone (male or female) could enjoy being fed a line or feeding a line to someone else. And when they accept some kind of romantic/comedy movie-esque act, they're rewarding unoriginality. Do people honestly feel the urge to stare into someones eyes and say something cheesy? Like, is that really something that people feel? Am I totally wrong in thinking that they've just been programed to think that's what someone wants to hear? I just can't make myself believe that someone would ACTUALLY feel compelled to be all starry eyed and say something stupid. In return, I don't want to hear it.

I had a boyfriend once that slow danced with me by the car while singing "You're just too good to be true, can't take my eyes off of you..."
I let it happen at the time because it would have been rude to stop him and tell him that I hated it. I also learned years later that he has danced and sang that song to many a girlfriends. Which is really only one point of my argument.

I'm just saying - I don't want bullshit lines. Chris knows better. I'm a realist and I don't believe that Chris REALLY wants to tell me how amazing and beautiful I am over a glass of wine and rose pedals strewn about. REALLY, he'll slap my butt and say "Girl, you're lookin fine today!"

Now that I can believe.

I'm probably being judgmental.

I belong to a message board for people trying to conceive. The profiles range from people that have been married for several years to people that are trying to get knocked up so they can be a pregnant bride. (Yeah, I thought it was silly too.)

And then there are people like this. 19 years old. Really freaking trying to get a bun in the oven, but might want to re-take a few grammar classes instead.

A few quotes:

"I can't talk to no one in my family because..."
"...but I'm at the point now where what she says don't even matter anymore."
"He don't even have contact with her because..."
"Shouldn't no 19 yr old have to go thru this type of changes."

I can see it now. This girl has a baby who grows up thinking double negatives are legit.

How can anyone think that is the correct way to speak? I'm really struggling with this.