Blog

I read a lot of blogs. Like, a lot a lot.
I've just started reading this one and LOVE what this also preggers woman had to say about the experince...

"I love myself an optimistic confident woman, but I do not love pregnancy....i think it was designed to keep a girl humble. I consider it my bodily donation to take on the single most honorable venture there is in this life. And despite the more socially responsible coping techniques that exist, the best way i can think to survive pregnancy (and sometimes just straight up motherhood) is to laugh at how ridiculous it can be.

This way, instead of pretending my third trimester double chin is glorious (or worse....not there) I rest assured that since not permanent, it is simply more hilarious than tragic."

You can read her blog here:
Team Boo

Some things:

1 - I looked down at my stomach today and tried to picture Martha in there. It made my heart rate dramatically increase, cause it's just that weird that a baby is in there. A real, actual, baby, that will someday be as big and old as I am.

2 - I watch those baby shows all the time (A Baby Story, Birth Day, etc.) and see how different women can be in the act of labor. I'm REALLY interested to see how I'll do under the pressure. Moreso, I'm interested to see how Chris will do. I'm thinking he'll do the nervous messing with his hair thing that he did on our first date.

3 - Is it strange that I can totally and totally not see myself being a mom both at the same time? I feel like when I get to take Martha home I will think, "I can't believe I actually have a child and I'm responsible for raising her" but also 100% step up to the plate and know what to do. I'm not worried...I know I will know what to do, but just the shock of being with this baby and knowing she's half Chris and half me and everything is up to us...I mean, isn't that just the craziest thing you've ever heard in your life?

Progress

18 Weeks



20 Weeks



24 Weeks



27 Weeks



Aaaaaaaaaand...This is before and after of my new hair cut and color. I LOVE it. I'll be going back to the girl, Karla (at Genesis) that did it. She was really great. I particularly like my new bangs. I wish they'd stay this way forever.

2 years

It's hard to believe that it's been 2 years since I had a miscarriage. 2 entire years of moving on. Got married, bought a house, and now I'll be having Martha in about 3 months. I'd have a kid that is old enough to walk right now if it didn't happen.

Every time I pass by a certain lady at work I think about the day I came back to work and she said "Are you pregnant?" I said, "No, I was, but I'm not anymore." And she said, "Oh, you change your mind or something?"

I paused for a second to ask myself if this woman had really just asked me if I'd aborted my baby, then answered "No. It wasn't a choice I made."

I suppose I could have been more clear. Maybe now she thinks that someone made me abort my baby or something. I don't know. I just wonder what she thinks seeing me walking around all huge and 6 months pregnant now. She hasn't said anything to me.

I always wonder what people think is ok and not ok to say to someone that has been through a loss. It's always safe to say "I'm sorry" and leave it at that. Actually, that's probably preferred by most people that have had other weird/not awesome things said to them just because people don't know what to say in a situation like that.

I remember several people telling me "I guess it just wasn't supposed to happen right now." And I immediately wanted to punch them in the face. I guess for anyone that's never been in a heartbreaking experience like that, you wouldn't think that was the wrong thing to say. All I know is that when they said that to me, my brain translated it as "You screwed up the plan" or "God was trying to teach you a lesson" which of course is just judgment on their part (and I don't believe that God would ever do something like that to teach a lesson). It's just never a comforting thing to hear, especially when you've just told all your friends and family that you're pregnant and now you have to tell them that you're not. But maybe it's just me...

My life is perfect the way it is right now. I can't say that I wouldn't change a thing though, because I probably would. Although I got pregnant before I was married and while I was still living at my parents house, which obviously was not planned, and I was scared, and I upset some people, I'd still change the way things turned out so I could have that baby with me now.

Hair

What is it about women wanting to cut their hair off when they're pregnant? It's this weird psychological thing that I see happen alllllll the time. If you have long hair when you get pregnant, you will want to cut it shorter.

I'm trying my darndest to not fall into this trap. I know I like my long hair and I know if I cut it, I'd just want to grow it back out again. So, I'm really trying to come up with other hair-change options. More layers? More highlights? Something has to change, but with it staying long-ish. I mean, really I could cut a good 4-5 inches off and it'd still be pretty long. And with these prenatal vitamins I'm taking, those 5 inches would grow back in a matter of 3 months.

Here's what I'm thinking...

Movin and shakin.

Chris felt Martha move for the first time today.

His response when he felt it, "Ahhhhh!"

I want to explain myself.

Ok, listen. I've been told recently that I need to work on my people skills. I told Chris (yes, my husband is the one that said this) that it's not that I don't have people skills, it's that I don't care if I make someone angry when I think that they're doing something wrong or inappropriate. I'm more honest than most people like, and that tends to offend. Also, I feel like my way of thought (regarding right and wrong) is a bit more black and white than most peoples.

Let me explain...

I don't feel that it's ok to ask for hand outs. If someone willingly wants to help you (without you asking them to) then that's awesome. I understand bad things happen sometimes and mostly it's out of your control, but that does not mean that you're entitled to ask someone else to give you their money to help out your unfortunate situation. Again, if they offer - cool, you just shouldn't ask for it.

If your job requires you to have a thing like a laptop or a car, you should take whatever precautions necessary to make sure that you have a back up plan in case something does happen to that laptop or car. (Have insurance that covers theft or a savings account to cover the cost of replacement or repair.)

Here's an idea that O'Brother has recently put into practice that I approve of...
Their van broke. They would like to continue touring, but need to fix or replace it. So, they're offering certain Cd's, t-shirts, etc. for certain amounts of monetary donations. THIS IS A GREAT IDEA! They're asking you to donate, but at least you're getting something for it. They didn't always practice this way of doing things, but I'm so glad they are now.

And my last point - this is where I feel like I'm going to be pissing people off...
It's always a person in a band that's asking for hand outs. When Lauren's car was stolen and she needed that car to get to work and school, did she set up a paypal account and ask for donations? No. When Amanda's car broke and she needed a couple hundred dollars to get it fixed, did she ask everyone to chip in so she could continue to search for a job? No. Her friends did, however, get together some funds to cover the cost. They did this all on their own, without her asking them to, out of the goodness of their hearts.

Yes, they needed their cars to continue on with their lives, but they didn't see themselves as being entitled to asking for a hand out. THIS is what I'm saying. What makes a person in a band more deserving than a person not in a band?

You get to pick your own career and lifestyle. Be prepared for your path. And don't get it in your head that you're any more deserving of a free lunch than anyone else. Humility. Responsibility. These are the words that come to mind.

Now everyone can be angry with me and say that I'm mean and have a cold heart.

(Note - Obviously this does not apply to tithing and legit charities.)

List

Things I can't do when I'm pregnant that I really would like to do:

Drink beer
Play Nertz
Get up off the couch without assistance
Shave without difficulty (why didn't anyone ever mention this to me?)
Sleep on my stomach
Unload/load the dishwasher without my back hurting
Take less than 5 minutes to get out of the car

Let it snow and we all get sick again.

Temperatures in HOTlanta (did I really just call it that?) dropped like crazy this week causing a light dusting of snow on Thursday. As usual, everything closed and people starting crashing their cars.



I went out to Walgreens to get some much needed medicine and returned to a driveway too iced for my car to make it up, so I'm currently parked on the street. On my way back down to the car later on today I, of course, slipped and busted my knee. At least that's all I busted.

I had every intention of going to the doctor today to see if this crappy congestion was actually the same sinus infection that Chris is getting over right now, but when I awoke to no more fever, I decided to self medicate with tylenol and a neti pot instead. So far, it's not working. I'll give it a few days though. It's not like I'm able to sleep through the night anyway.

I'm on it.

Crib and mattress are purchased.
Registry is finished.

Martha's room was going to be halfway put together today except Chris started feeling sick (and is still spitting blood from a hockey stick to the face Saturday morning) so we called it a night.

We're using our Lowes gift card to purchase black out blinds, and I'm hoping to find some curtains pretty soon.

We're waiting a few more weeks to save up a little more money and then we'll find a nice dresser/changing table.

After that, all we'll need to do is wait to have baby showers to (hopefully) get a lot of other stuff that we'll need.

All the money that we're able to save between now and baby time will be a nice cushion for the first several months, since you never really know how much you're going to spend on diapers and formula until you need them.

My next Dr. appointment is on the 18th. I'll be doing the nasty glucose test that day.

NYE was interesting. I was able to stay awake until 1:30 AM, which was surprising. I think I'll pass on the crazy parties from now on though. I can't handle people lighting fireworks inside houses and being the only sober person out of 100 people. I was a little concerned for the safety of myself in a situation where people are not entirely clear-headed and explosives are being tossed around haphazzardly.

One awesome thing that came out of NYE was that Chris talked to a couple of our friends that work at a particular company about a job opening. He likes the job he has right now, but there are a lot of perks that this company would offer him (100% paid healthcare, being one). These friends of ours LOVE the job and say that they actually miss not being at work when they take time off. I mean, that's saying something. So, Chris updated his resume and sent it in to the HR department as well as the head honcho mentioning that he was referred by said friends. We're not counting on anything, and like I said...he's perfectly ok at his current job. I just think that the hours, pay, insurance, work environment, among other things would be a welcomed change for him.