#11

Something people seem to compliment you the most on.

Well, Chris complements me the most. And he apparently likes my booty. And the fact that my skin is always cool. (Like, cold.)

That's all I got.

#10

Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn’t know.

I have an ex that I only dated briefly. Like, 2 months. And I do call him an "ex" rather than a "guy I dated" because in those 2 months we saw each other constantly. It was basically a full blown relationship from our second date. I feel like saying that makes me looking like a psycho girl. It's the honest to God truth though. It was one of those relationships that just happens fast. You rush in and you rush out.

Anyway, he's not someone I need to let go. That happened a long time ago. He's the person I wish I didn't know. I'd say about 99% of the time you can at least take one good thing out of a failed relationship. Perhaps you learned something about yourself or saw a quality in the person that you now realize is something that you should stay away from in future relationships. Well, I got absolutely nothing out of that relationship. Everyone told me from the get-go that he wasn't someone I needed to be with. Close friends didn't like him. I just got sucked in though. After being dumped, it was REALLY hard to get over it. It wasn't for a long time that I saw that everything with him was a test. He was consistently testing me to see what I would do or what I would say in certain situations. I've run into him several times over the years and I hate it every time. It always leaves me with a terrible feeling.

So yeah, I wish I never knew him. I took absolutely nothing from that relationship. I didn't learn a thing and all it did was make me feel bad. I certainly could have lived without those 2 months.

#9

Someone you didn’t want to let go, but just drifted.

I've basically drifted from most of my friends. Honestly, I'm only still close with a small handfull of people that I used to be very close with. Like, 5 of them. This goes along with one of my previous posts about how life changes when you move to the suburbs, get married, and have a baby. At this point, I'm just waiting for everyone else to catch up. Most of the people that I used to see like 5 times a week are at a very different place in their lives. So, I'll just chill until they get married and have babies. Then maybe they'll be interested in hanging out with me again. I guess I'm just a boring ol' wife and mom to most of them right now. I think it's hard for some people to understand not wanting to go out all the time. But that's cool. To each his own. I'll just...wait.

I will mention though that my best friend through part of high school and I drifted apart, but reconnected later on. We still don't see each other a ton, but we talk as often as we like and we do have that connection of having a big girl job, a family, and not living in center of the Atlanta action. And we still have that history and get to talk about things that happened a long time ago. So that's nice.

#8

Someone who made your life hell, or treated you like crap.

See #4.

#7

Someone who has made your life worth living for.

I believe that you have to live your life for yourself. So yeah, I don't think there is anyone that has made my life worth living for. Well, that's what I thought until I had Martha. She has made my life a million times more fulfilled/fulfilling. That's not to say I wasn't happy before she came along. That's not the case at all. I was totally happy before her. But having her here now has absolutely made my life worth living in the best way that I can. If nothing else, than for her.

I never understood how a woman pregnant with her second child could be worried that she couldn't love her new baby as much as her first baby, but I totally get it now.

The abundance of love that I have for Martha seems to me that it could not be matched. Of course, whenever I have more kids I'm sure I will love them just as much. It really just is hard to comprehend how it's possible.

And I know this may sound snotty, but I really don't think people without children can understand this level of love. I'm not saying I'm better than someone that doesn't have a child. I'm just saying that it really is incomprehendable until you actually have a child.

#6

I'm not a quitter like some people, so I'm continuing with my days of truth.

Something you hope you never have to do.

There are things upon things upon things that I hope I never have to do. To pick one thing specifically, I think I'd chose that I hope I never have to lose Chris or a child. Really, I must die first. Although I know it'd be much harder for Chris to live without me than for me to live without Chris, I'd still like to be able to look down on him and wait for him in Heaven than the other way around. That's selfish probably. But really, the losing a child thing - I couldn't handle it. No way. Not gonna happen. I literally don't think my body would be able to endure the pain. It's painful to even think about, which in my totally messed up and morbid mind, I do think about it. I don't know why I do that to myself.

#5

Something you hope to do in your life.

How can I pick just one thing that I hope to do in my life? Well I can tell you this...I used to want to go out of the country. Vacation in Europe somewhere. But honestly, I think I only wanted to do that because your supposed to want to do that. I'm cool with staying in the US for the rest of my life. Sure, it might be kinda cool to see how people in other countries live, but it's not really on the top of my list of things that I'd like to do someday.

So, what do I hope to do in my life? I'd like to have another kid or two or three. I hope to move up in my company to earn more for my family. It'd be nice to not live mostly paycheck to paycheck.

But I'm pretty sure the question is implying that I am to name one specific thing I'd like to do in my lifetime that would be a one-time sort of deal. So, my answer is to sky dive. I always wanted to sky dive, but I never did it before I had Martha and now I'm too scared to do it because it's dangerous and I don't want to leave my daughter without a mom. Ok, so the thought of it is dangerous, but I'm curious to know how dangerous it actually is. Probably not super dangerous. So maybe when she's older I'll do it.

#4

Something you have to forgive someone for.

Ooooooooo, see, this isn't something I feel that I can fully answer like most people can answer because I can't bring myself to forgive someone unless they want forgiveness. There are lots of things that ex's have done that I feel they should ask forgiveness for, but they haven't. If they came and asked, sure, I'd forgive them. But they're not and I doubt they ever will. Well, except for one. One of them apologized for being a butthead, but really I didn't even think he needed to apologize, but I guess that was nice of him to do anyway. That's how I feel about this.

So, if one of my ex's wanted to apologize to me for inviting an out-of-town friend over to my parents house (where we both lived at the time) and then ditching him to go hang out with another girl (because we had already broken up), then thinking there was nothing wrong with the fact that I had to entertain this dude that I didn't even know while he was out on a date, then I'd forgive him. But, he hasn't asked, so I won't. I'm sure me cornering him once he got home while screaming and almost physically assaulting him and then telling him that he needed to move out the next day got my point across that I was angry though. And, yes, he moved out the next day.

If another one of my ex's wanted to apologize for cheating on me with a girl from Nashville, among basically every other single thing that happend while we were together, I'd probably forgive him, but he hasn't, so I won't.

#3

Something you have to forgive yourself for.

This is a tough one. Mainly because I really don't feel like there's anything I need to forgive myself for. I'm pretty good at forgiving myself for mistakes I've made. I realize that everyone does stupid stuff in their lives and you recognize that and move on. I guess one thing that I have previously forgiven myself for is being such a brat when I was a teenager. I feel like I'll have some of that coming to me in about 15 years. Lord, help me. No but really...I think maybe like 75% of females are total jerks to people (their families mostly) in their teen years. I was one of them. I understand that it's common though and forgave myself for being such a turd.

#2

Something you love about yourself.

The "something" that I love about myself is probably the "something" that most people don't like about me. I'm very honest. Maybe sometimes too honest. I don't believe in keeping things secret. I've been very open about my struggles and things I've been through. I really just don't understand what the point is of being soooooo private. I like to think that my openness about things I deal with might help someone understand me better or maybe even help someone that might be going through the same thing. My miscarriage, for example. It's a very personal subject and most people never talk about it if it happens to them. I feel like being open and talking about it helped me understand and deal with it. Now, there are some things that I do keep private, but really only for the sake of anyone else involved. If it's something that only concerns me, then I'm an open book.

#1

There's this writing prompt thingy going around called 30 Days of Truth. Basically there's a list of 30 things that for 30 days you write about. I've seen that a lot of people are already done or on day 10, at least, but I'm just going to start from the top and take it from there.

Day 1: Something you hate about yourself.

Wow. I guess I'm really just jumping right in here with a tough one from the get-go. Something I hate about myself? I hate that I can't be affectionate. It's not that I can't be affectionate, I just REALLY hate it. It's something that I would literally have to make myself do. It doesn't come naturally. And even if I made myself be affectionate every single day, I don't know that I would ever get used to it. It's like trying to teach yourself to like the taste of beets or something.

What? So because I'm a girl I'm supposed to be mushy and lovey and want to spoon with my husband? That's not me. I can't say that it will ever be me. It's not easy for me, but I really wish it was. When I say "affectionate" though, I mean in a romantic way. Not like be showing affection to Martha. I could do that all day long. That's easy. I've just never been the cuddly type when it came to dudes. Chris hates it. I hate it because Chris hates it. Things would just be a lot easier if I could casually hug and hold hands and kiss as if it were no big deal. So, there's that.